wherethesunisalwayshining

sprinkling positivity

Being honest with yourself and others

on March 20, 2015

I always try my best to be honest. After reading The Four Agreements it just made sense to me, If I want less problems and drama in my life, have open relationships with people and be myself, then I must be honest. It isn’t always easy but I am aware that I feel uncomfortable, uneasy or anxious If I want to say something or feel a certain way but avoid the situation, lie or keep it inside.

The past week I have been moving around Sydney (hence why I haven’t posted in a while, sorry!) In this time quite a few different scenarios have arisen where I’ve needed to be honest, with myself and others. Being honest isn’t always easy though hey? We feel so much better afterwards but sometimes we worry about how it might affect other people if we’re honest with them.

The last week I have experienced the situations where I’ve found it difficult to be honest..

There have been a couple of days where I have wanted to spend time alone to re-coop my thoughts, feelings, emotions and just be me. Do my own thing, be free, suit myself. Yet I’ve made friends at hostels and they’ve wanted to hang out, do stuff together and then assume we will carry on spending every day together. I felt pressure to spend time with a person more and more, as they said ‘what are WE going to do this weekend, tomorrow etc’. I felt trapped and I realised that made me find the situation worse than it probably was, I didn’t enjoy their company and found myself wanting to make excuses to leave them at any chance I could. I realized this behaviour was probably pretty weird for them, and they actually had no idea what was going on with me so they probably assumed I was being rude or something. By not being honest I was hurting that persons feelings, making them paranoid and for myself I was anxious, uneasy and just wanted to be alone.

Then I figured, would the truth really be that bad? We’re all human, we all have the same thoughts and feelings, we all need time on our own sometimes. So in the end I was like, nope Im making a big deal and creating drama and problems by not being honest. So I went and told the guy in the morning (after I realized he’s made me coffee and strawberries, just to make it extra hard), I was just really honest and said, ‘don’t take it personally but Im really tired and drained from meeting so many new people this week and I really just want to spend the day by myself, i hope you understand and that’s ok.’ He said it was a shame but it was all good. I felt better because a huge weight had been lifted, I didn’t have to do something I didn’t feel like doing and the guy probably felt better because at least he knew what was going on and why I was acting a bit strange and distant.

Whenever people are behaving strange, out of the ordinary or in not a very nice way, it usually is nothing to do with you it’s always because they have something going on with themselves and they’re not happy or balanced or being honest.

The world makes so much more sense and we can all be at ease when we’re honest. Although It links hand in hand with not taking things personally. Because if people are honest and we don’t like what they say, it usually means because we take it personally and make it something it isn’t. For example if the guy would’ve taken it personally by thinking ‘ she doesn’t want to hang out with me, what’s wrong with me, why doesn’t she like my company’ etc, he would’ve created suffering and misery for himself by making my problem about him. When in reality I just wanted to be on my own, not in his company.

So that’s an example of being honest with others. And now for an example of how I had to be honest with myself..

I am very big on self-love and being kind to yourself, with words, thoughts and actions and I try to implement it in my life daily. When my mind wants to focus on negative things about myself I try to be aware of those thoughts and think differently. Yet I found myself in a situation where I was not comfortable in my own body, self-conscious and not very confident as myself. I think this was for various reasons of things I was carrying from the past, unconfident of the way I see myself after having an eating disorder, self-conscious of how other people would see me and I guess that made me uncomfortable in the mind. I was aware of my thoughts and had to be honest with myself and realise that actually I may need to practise some more self-love on my body as I need to practise what I preach. I am still learning to love myself, I think it’s a process over time for me, you, everyone. I do love myself more than previous times in my life but I realised that carrying my insecurities will not help my growth in confidence, I realised that I say I love myself yet find it difficult to express that. I want to be confident in my body and embrace it. So being honest with myself was to practise what I preach, to work on not only loving myself but having confidence in my body and truly realizing it for what it is.

It’s not always easy to be honest with yourself, it takes time to realize things because we don’t always notice things unless people give us a helping hand (by being honest). As I am very big on self-love It was hard for me to think, well actually maybe I need to practise some of this more on myself. I am confident about my mind and my beliefs and learning of the world yet I am perhaps not so confident about other things. That’s ok, in fact it’s great because now I have been honest with myself I can work on it. It’s a success. The only failure would be for me not to become aware and keep being unconfident.

There you go, two examples of being honest with myself & others. Isn’t easy, but so worth it 🙂

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