wherethesunisalwayshining

sprinkling positivity

Becoming aware of who you are not

on April 1, 2015

In the past I have posted many posts about being and also about when the ego over rules being, we mistake ourselves for being the ego, being our thoughts, being someone were not.

I consider myself to be learning every day and I admit my ego takes over me as I become unconscious sometimes, we all do it. Some people live their entire life ruled by their thoughts and ego, others study themselves every day and so this becomes less likely. If you find you’ve tried being aware of your mind and you just can’t, don’t give up, like everything it’s something to be learnt and you need practise and patience.

I have been practising for around 6 months and reading books, discussing personal growth with like-minded people for advice etc. I still have a long way to go, but please don’t beat yourselves up either if you become aware of yourself and don’t like what you’re doing, saying, acting etc. It’s a part of the journey. Perhaps you can become aware of yourself as you’re being horrible to someone, you then think I’m a horrible person – no you’re not. You where simply unconscious and unaware of your actions. That is ok because you became aware and you now have something to work with.

The past few days I looked back each night to write in my journal and realised I had been acting out of character. I had let my ego take over at some points of the day – how I became aware of this?

I thought back to when I hung out with people I barely knew, they where swearing a lot and using words I wouldn’t normally use. I picked up that whilst conversing with them, to fit in, I had also picked up swearing and a different time of language. This wasn’t what I was like normally, it was just my ego taking over and wanting to be part of the crowd. Somewhere my ego kicked in because these people made me feel like I wouldn’t be accepted as my true self. And then I question why I would hang out with people who don’t accept my true self?

The thing is also – I judged them and assumed they wouldn’t accept me for me, – a normal backpackers who doesn’t take drugs daily, swear often or hang out with strangers. So the only way I can clear it up is if I go hang out with them and be myself, be open to judgement and rejection. Otherwise am I really hanging out with these people? Because I’m not being myself, I’m playing a role of my ego.

It’s very easy to get caught up in playing a role of your ego. I became aware once I’d said a few words I wouldn’t normally in our conversation, my mind was asking why are you behaving like this? It sounds crazy hey?

Yet we all do it. We all play roles in our egos. We act like different people. This is because we’re scared of being ourselves, fear of not being accepted and instead rejection and judgement. It can go either way but the most important thing is to be true to ourselves and then we will attract the right people who do accept us as we are.

We have nothing to prove. We have nothing to beat ourselves up about when this awareness does rise – it’s a lesson, a blessing to show us where we can improve and work on ourselves.

If you struggle at all with becoming aware of your thoughts, actions and behaviour and try to differentiate yourself with your ego, try writing a journal. A personal journal just for yourself where you can look back on your day and think – did I like the way I spoke to that person, where my actions in that situation how I wanted them to be, did I behave like myself around those group of cool teenagers or was I trying to impress them by doing things I wouldn’t normally.

Writing all of this down is like free- therapy for yourself. The mind is a busy place and sometimes writing it all down can be a great feeling, just give it a try 🙂 it doesn’t have to be a daily occurrence, do whatever suits you.

Let me know what you think

Remember, the sun is always shining 🙂

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