wherethesunisalwayshining

sprinkling positivity

Awareness of pretending to be someone you are not.

on April 11, 2015

This week I’ve struggled to be my true self. I have been in an unfamiliar environment and fell into a trap of acting to others expectations.

This has led to several things

– low moods
– sore throat
– general unease
– agreeing with things I don’t agree with
– acting unconsciously and contributing in gossip and drama.

The great thing is because I practise mind observation, I am fully aware of how I have acted and how it affects me, physically and mentally.

Mind observation is key to bringing awareness, when things don’t feel right we can question our thoughts and behaviours and get to the root of the problem.

So I’ve been staying with a family this week and I’ve wanted to fit in. The family are different to me or so my ego thinks. My ego feels threatened as they don’t understand me, yet I haven’t really given them a proper chance. I have been afraid to voice my opinions because I fear judgment or criticism. Yes, these people may think differently from me and mock my ways, yet if I don’t voice my opinions how will I ever know? I will simply list them and misunderstanding me without really giving them a chance.

Don’t get me wrong, they’re lovely and welcoming. I am wary of how they easily judge and have many opinions. This has resulted in me hiding behind fear and simply acting, being someone I’m not, acting how others would expect me to act. Letting the ego take over.

When we are not ourselves, when we agree with things that we actually disagree with – we’re going against ourselves. Hence why many people feel lost and are trying to find who they really are. We are most of the time unaware that were acting, we do it once and we do it again, acting to other people’s expectations to avoid friction or confrontation. You can imagine if you are constantly acting and pretending to be someone you are not, simply to get along with everyone and be liked, then you can quickly become unbalanced and lose who you are. You’re suddenly agreeing with everyone else, doing what others want you to do, saying what will please others. It gets pretty hard to find yourself and your inner voice amidst all of that?!

So the solution – be true, be you.

It sounds simple and it is. I was afraid to tell the people that I didn’t want to join them on a day out, I did it and guess what – they didn’t hate me. Perhaps they took it personally but that would be their problem. I explained I wanted to do some walking. I had originally without awareness agreed to go but I really didn’t want to, I was upsetting myself in order to not upset them, where’s the sense in that?

We are in control of making ourselves happy, the same as others are in control of making themselves happy.

It would be madness to create anxiety and misery to ourselves just to make someone else happy. Usually they get over it anyway and are responsible for creating their own happiness.

We can’t depend on others to create our happiness. It starts from within.

I have struggled this week and I have actually found it difficult to focus on writing this post – therefore another sign I need to recharge my energy and focus on myself.

Whenever you become aware of feeling out of balance and drained from acting, not being yourself try these few things –

Meditation, balancing postures, yoga, walking, writing to yourself.

The start of the week I found myself drawn to social media, television – all a sign of trying to zone out from reality but in a unhealthy way.

Practise mind observation, be brave and be yourself.

Lots of love

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