sprinkling positivity

Living with uncertainty 

In life we face periods of uncertainty and feelings of insecurity. Especially as young adults growing up in society these days we face a high percentage of unemployment and financial problems, pressure from media telling us how we should look and behave and general judgement from society if we don’t conform. 

Is there any wonder there’s a huge rise in mental health issues? 

It all comes from uncertainty. Are we certain of our future? No. Yet we’re living in a world where we’re pressurised in knowing what we want to do for our careers, frowned upon if we don’t. 

Unfortunately we’re not all blessed in knowing what we want to do for the rest of our lives. The very thought of it sends us into melt down. Or we might know what we want to do but we live in fear of not achieving it, fearing failure. 

We waste so much energy on fear, focusing our energy on it in fact. Fear comes from resosting uncertainty. When we’re refusing to accept what were feeling that’s when fear arises.

Eckhart tolle said –

“When you become comfortable with uncertainty, infinite possibilities open up in your life. It means fear is no longer a dominant factor in what you do and no longer prevents you from taking action to initiate change. If uncertainty is unacceptable to you, it turns into fear. If it is perfectly acceptable, it turns into increased aliveness, alertness and creativity.

Think about it, when you don’t accept a situation for what it is, that’s when you become scared. If you don’t know what you’re doing with life, it’s only when you can’t accept that ; that’s when fear arises. If you can accept you don’t know what you’re doing with life then you don’t feel fear, you accept it as a moment that won’t last forever and with that you can focus your energy on creating new possibilities instead of focusing your energy being stuck in fear. 

If you are afraid of failure then you’re not accepting of the present moment. You’re focusing on the future and you are stuck because all your energy is stuck on fear, you cannot create possibilities for yourself from fear. Only acceptance. 

Going with the flow of life and accepting you are exactly where you’re supposed to be. You’re doing and feeling exacty what you’re supposed to be. Accept that. Give up your fear. Then the answers will come to you, your energy with focus on your possibilities.

Don’t create suffering for yourself. Resisting what you’re feelings won’t change it, it will only cause you suffering. So why not let go of that and just think ‘f**k it* I don’t know what I want to do and that’s just the way it is for now. Or if you feel that you’re not succeeding in whatever you want to do, just accept that job isn’t for you but another one that is better will be on its way. Things that don’t happen are just not meant to be. 

“The desire for safety stands against every great and noble enterprise.” 

Let go of fear and accept uncertainty. 

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Lose yourself to find yourself 

many people struggle with the feeling of losing themselves, not knowing who they are or finding who they are. If you consider yourself as one of these people, see it in a positive light. How can you find yourself if you weren’t to lose yourself in the first place? 

Here’s a paragraph from eckhart tolle’s book, A new earth: 

‘To the ego it will seem as if you were losing yourself, but the opposite is the case. Your ego is a form-identity, as your ego becomes less, you become more. If you are alert enough, you may be able to detect some of these unconscious patterns within yourself; 

Demanding recognition for something you did and getting angry or upset if you don’t get it. Trying to get attention by talking about your problems, the story of your illnesses, or making a scene. Giving your opinion when nobody asked for it and it makes no difference to the situation. Trying to make an impression on others through possessions, knowledge, good looks etc. Taking things personally, feeling offended, making yourself right and others wrong. 

Once you have detected such a pattern within yourself, I suggest you conduct an experiment. Find out what it feels like and what happens if you let go of that pattern. Just drop it and see what happens. 

De-emphasising who you are on the level of form is another way of generating consciousness. Discover the enormous power that flows through you into the world when you stop emphasising your ego, your form identity. ‘

I think this is a great paragraph for us all as I’m sure we can all find some truth within ourselves and those behavious. For some, reading that might make you feel angry, or your ego angry I should say. There’s so much truth in those words, it take guts to accept that truth within yourself. By becoming aware of that truth, you have the awareness to change and grow. 

We can only change things we don’t like once we become aware and accept our ego’s behaviour. Only when your ego feels small will you be able to grow as your true self. 

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experiencing my ego taking over

So as we know, the world is at war because of the ego – as humans beings we are not connecting or relating to each other because of the ego. The reason for failed relationships, arguements, violence etc is all because of the ego.

This morning I experienced becoming aware of my ego in action.

I will explain the situation, and you can see how two people can change their relationship based on the ego’s actions.

So we have a new chef at the retreat where I am volunteering, we have a great laugh and get alone well.

I had explained a few days earlier that I have fruit with my breakfast every morning as I love sweet things to accompany my breakfast. So this morning I went to grab a banana to go with my porridge and the chef said ‘can you not take that, please leave it’. So i left it and left the kitchen feeling annoyed, slightly angry and upset. My mind immediately got to work thinking

‘ you must of done something to upset him, maybe he just doesn’t like you, you’ve annoyed him.’

These assumptions became my truths, i believed them to be what he was thinking.

So after breakfast i returned to the kitchen and washed up in silence, feeling angry. thinking fine, il have to go out and buy my own fruit if i cant eat them here. being stubborn and wanting to be in the right.

Then I took a step back and thought, i don’t like feeling angry, annoyed or upset like this. this isnt good for me, how can I view the situation for what it really might be.

Instead of taking it personally i thought from the chefs point of view

Perhaps he needed those last few bananas for a dish he’d planned, perhaps he just wanted to give the paying guests enough variety of fruit so they wouldn’t complain. Perhaps it had nothing to do with not liking me, or me at all.

My ego had taking it personally and made it about me.

So i decided to be open adn said to the chef – i took the banana situation personally and it annoyed me, i assumed you said i couldn’t have the banana because i had annoyed you or I wasn’t as important as the other guests. This is not an issue I had with him though, this is an issue i had with myself. My ego had taken the situation personally then made an assumption to be the truth. When I was able to be open and honest with the chef he said ‘ I actually was scared of not having enough fruit for people and I would look bad as the chef then, I was worried it had upset you.’

So by being open and honest we both realized that we were very similar human beings, both worrying about different things. I then saw my assumption was wrong and I had this horrible feelings lifted away from my body, because my thoughts weren’t real, they were my ego’s assumptions.

But here you can see how easily we can create conflict in life, it is not easy to be open and honest with someone and say they have upset you because you’ve taken a situation personally. If you are open, you are then open to rejection. However most of the time people see you are actually just human and have the same fears, feelings, emotions as them. If I hadnt of been honest about how I was feeling with the chef, I would’ve carried these horrible feelings with me all day and I would’ve resented working with him, carrying a past situation into the present and into the future – holding on to one small thing that wasn’t even the truth in the first place.

Isn’t it madness how we all do this? How our unconscious ego takes over, takes things personally and makes up assumptions for which we then believe to be the truth?

Have you ever said hello to someone and they havent bother conversing back with you, then you’ve immediately assumed, they dont like me, i wont bother talking to them again, they’re not very nice etc – when in fact they could actually be going through a terrible time and having a bad day and simply want to be on their own, it could be nothing to do with you, maybe they just didn’t feel like being social on that specific day.

Hence why it’s so important that we become aware of when our ego takes over, because at some point it will. Awareness weakens the ego – then we can connect and relate to each other, have empathy and understanding for what someone else might be going through that doesn’t involve you or I.

We are not perfect human beings, its perfectly ok and natural for our ego to kick in but we can change that if we want a happier, peaceful life. We can take back control of the ego – observe it. Dont believe your thoughts to be the truth for we do not think. a thought pops into our head that we have no control over – we have control as to wether we believe it as the truth or as a lie.

You decide. you have the power. you are in control.

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Eckhart Tolle

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