wherethesunisalwayshining

sprinkling positivity

Feel the fear and do it anyway

Fear and Denial. That’s what I’ve been working with this week.

Through observing my behaviour and patterns, I have come to recognize that I keep dismissing my desires. Any time an opportunity comes up to create something for myself that I am passionate about, I get excited but then dismiss it with the excuses like –

‘Its not the right time’, ‘ I don’t have the time or energy right now’ , ‘I should just focus on something smaller for now’,

I think the truth is that I am denying what I want because I am scared. Scared to admit to myself and ask for what I want because then I will want to go ahead and pursue it. If I try to pursue it, then I am vulnerable because I am out of my comfort zone in the unknown, which brings up fear.

Fear of failure, fear of embarrassment, fear of not being taken seriously.

I questioned why are these things important to me? I realized it’s only the ego they are important to.It is only my ego that will feel embarrassed, inferior or a failure. And essentially I’m trying to weaken the ego so what’s to hold me back?

If I know within that I have good intentions, that I will try my best and that’s all I can do. Then why let the ego create a false illusion of what might happen in the future because It is afraid of being damaged.

Does this scenario sound similar to you? Are you afraid of stepping out of your comfort zone to try something new for yourself? Are you afraid you will fail, look stupid or have people laugh at you?

Yet if we give in to these fears then we will never move forward, forever thinking ‘What If?’

Deep within ourselves we know what we want, sometimes we are just to scared to tell ourselves it and ask.

I think our purpose is to fulfill our passions and desires, otherwise why would they be there? They are god’s gift to us.

What we do with them is up to us. But fear.. fear is just an illusion, it is what prevents us from looking or searching for our desires, it is our excuse for acting small and inferior because we are afraid to risk things to become what we desire.

I am challenging myself to give up fear, knowing that it is only a limitation. I transform my energy to focusing on what I can do, what I can create, focusing only on the positive with affirmations and visualisation of what I want to create.

Like attracts like, its the Law of Attraction. Eliminate doubt, there is no space for that.

Great things come from the unknown..

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Surrender to what is, let go of what was and have faith in what will be :) 

  

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Living with uncertainty 

In life we face periods of uncertainty and feelings of insecurity. Especially as young adults growing up in society these days we face a high percentage of unemployment and financial problems, pressure from media telling us how we should look and behave and general judgement from society if we don’t conform. 

Is there any wonder there’s a huge rise in mental health issues? 

It all comes from uncertainty. Are we certain of our future? No. Yet we’re living in a world where we’re pressurised in knowing what we want to do for our careers, frowned upon if we don’t. 

Unfortunately we’re not all blessed in knowing what we want to do for the rest of our lives. The very thought of it sends us into melt down. Or we might know what we want to do but we live in fear of not achieving it, fearing failure. 

We waste so much energy on fear, focusing our energy on it in fact. Fear comes from resosting uncertainty. When we’re refusing to accept what were feeling that’s when fear arises.

Eckhart tolle said –

“When you become comfortable with uncertainty, infinite possibilities open up in your life. It means fear is no longer a dominant factor in what you do and no longer prevents you from taking action to initiate change. If uncertainty is unacceptable to you, it turns into fear. If it is perfectly acceptable, it turns into increased aliveness, alertness and creativity.

Think about it, when you don’t accept a situation for what it is, that’s when you become scared. If you don’t know what you’re doing with life, it’s only when you can’t accept that ; that’s when fear arises. If you can accept you don’t know what you’re doing with life then you don’t feel fear, you accept it as a moment that won’t last forever and with that you can focus your energy on creating new possibilities instead of focusing your energy being stuck in fear. 

If you are afraid of failure then you’re not accepting of the present moment. You’re focusing on the future and you are stuck because all your energy is stuck on fear, you cannot create possibilities for yourself from fear. Only acceptance. 

Going with the flow of life and accepting you are exactly where you’re supposed to be. You’re doing and feeling exacty what you’re supposed to be. Accept that. Give up your fear. Then the answers will come to you, your energy with focus on your possibilities.

Don’t create suffering for yourself. Resisting what you’re feelings won’t change it, it will only cause you suffering. So why not let go of that and just think ‘f**k it* I don’t know what I want to do and that’s just the way it is for now. Or if you feel that you’re not succeeding in whatever you want to do, just accept that job isn’t for you but another one that is better will be on its way. Things that don’t happen are just not meant to be. 

“The desire for safety stands against every great and noble enterprise.” 

Let go of fear and accept uncertainty. 

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De-attachment to illness, focus your energy on healing

When suffering from an illness that requires a lot of attention, many of us tend to do the wrong thing and focus all our energy on it. We let it become a big part of our lives and eventually it begins to take over our lives. We let our illness define us as people and form an attachment if you like. Perhaps this is why it takes so long for people to fully recover and heal?

The mind and body are connected, and what we focus on grows. People who are suffering from an illness or are recovering will be sure of telling you at some point about it because it’s a big part of their life. They make it a part of who they are now. If you become attached to the illness and make it ‘yours,’ then how are you going to let it go and get better?

The ego will not enjoy reading this truth, I know because I have experienced it myself. It is not to say you’re not suffering from an illness, but by making ‘your’ illness a part of who you are then, you are letting it define you as a person, you’re letting your ego latch on to the illness and the story of what it has made you become. I use myself for an example because I have become aware of my own egos doing so.

Having an illness gives us a voice, something we can talk about ‘me and my story’. How much we have suffered, how much we have conquered, how much we have been through… This is all work of the ego. We don’t need to prove ourselves to anyone, we don’t need to attach ourselves to something we have or are going through. We know we have suffered, we know we have the power to conquer – only the ego wants to prove this to people and share ‘my story’.

Some people refuse to believe they can get better because subconsciously staying sick is easier. The ego had a stronger sense of self, it doesn’t want to let go.

It may sound harsh to some, I read it myself and my ego feels hurt and deflated. Yet I sense the truth in what I write.

How will I recover if I constantly define myself, who I am and who I have become from my illness? It is still allowing that illness to live through me; it is still an attachment and proof. Yet, I have no one to prove myself to, and neither do you.

If you are suffering from an illness, try focusing your energy on healing instead of feeling like a victim. Look within yourself for answers, become aware of your thoughts: do you look for sympathy, do you feel self-pity or victimized?

I found myself to think my illness was a safe place, whilst recovering I didn’t have to think about my future, I had an excuse, I was ill. If I’d remained in that mindset, I would probably still be exactly where I was a year ago. Stuck. Scared. You see, once we become attached to our illness, it becomes a safety blanket for us.It means we don’t have to focus on the real problems because we can’t cope with them because we’re sick.

If we focus our energy more towards what we can do instead of what we can’t, that’s the first step. Accepting change and letting go, going into the unknown. Next time you feel yourself about to share your illness or story with someone, refrain and see how it feels. Try dropping your illness, it is not who you are. You’re a strong, special person without it and you have nothing to prove to anyone.

Mindfully let it go and see what happens.

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Lose yourself to find yourself 

many people struggle with the feeling of losing themselves, not knowing who they are or finding who they are. If you consider yourself as one of these people, see it in a positive light. How can you find yourself if you weren’t to lose yourself in the first place? 

Here’s a paragraph from eckhart tolle’s book, A new earth: 

‘To the ego it will seem as if you were losing yourself, but the opposite is the case. Your ego is a form-identity, as your ego becomes less, you become more. If you are alert enough, you may be able to detect some of these unconscious patterns within yourself; 

Demanding recognition for something you did and getting angry or upset if you don’t get it. Trying to get attention by talking about your problems, the story of your illnesses, or making a scene. Giving your opinion when nobody asked for it and it makes no difference to the situation. Trying to make an impression on others through possessions, knowledge, good looks etc. Taking things personally, feeling offended, making yourself right and others wrong. 

Once you have detected such a pattern within yourself, I suggest you conduct an experiment. Find out what it feels like and what happens if you let go of that pattern. Just drop it and see what happens. 

De-emphasising who you are on the level of form is another way of generating consciousness. Discover the enormous power that flows through you into the world when you stop emphasising your ego, your form identity. ‘

I think this is a great paragraph for us all as I’m sure we can all find some truth within ourselves and those behavious. For some, reading that might make you feel angry, or your ego angry I should say. There’s so much truth in those words, it take guts to accept that truth within yourself. By becoming aware of that truth, you have the awareness to change and grow. 

We can only change things we don’t like once we become aware and accept our ego’s behaviour. Only when your ego feels small will you be able to grow as your true self. 

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Our words and actions affect each other

In the previous post I touched up on the ripple effect that we create when we unconsciously act negatively towards another person, and how it can impact their thoughts and beliefs about themselves or others.

I just wanted to explain a little more in depth of how this works. You may think a negative comment might not affect someone for the rest of their life and this may be true, but either way it will affect them. Do you want to be responsible for making people suffer?

We all have a great impact on each other when we are in contact. This being The general public, friends, acquaintances, partners, people we have relationship with, our family and parents.

I will give a few examples..

The general public, we may not have a life standing impact on these people who we brush past once in a blue moon, nonetheless we have impact. For example, working in a coffee shop it truly makes a difference when you have a customer come in with a happy, positive attitude and conversation, it has a positive impact on my day and I’m bound to have a much happier day just from the lift of that one persons positive energy.
Whereas if someone is rude and unkind towards me, I am less likely to be jumping for joy and this might affect me for the rest of the day
– which ripple effects onto other customers. The same can happen vice versa, if i was horrible to a customer it could ruin their day and they may never return after their bad experience.

As people we have an unhealthy habit of holding onto people’s words and actions and taking them personally.

However the most serious cases and more harmful are in our close relationships – with people we think highly of, people we care for or people we love. Being our partners, friends, lovers or family members.

A negative action or words will hurt deeper if it’s by someone you’re close to.

An example is flirting with other people whilst in a relationship and perhaps even cheating. The words and actions you use affect the partner, perhaps for life. It can knock self confidence and esteem, they may grow insecure about themselves. Many people have trust issues and find it difficult to let go and carry this to their next relationship. Did you ever consider that cheating on someone could affect that persons relationships for the rest of their lives? Or how they think of themselves? I have been guilty of doing this in the past, luckily I was young and completely unaware of how my actions affect others, it’s in the past and I forgive myself and let it teach me
for the future. If you have also treated someone this way, don’t beat yourself up but learn from it and it’s effects.

If you are a parent, be conscious of how you bring up your child, be aware of what you teach them of what you say to them and how you say it. Children already have so many pressures, they don’t need to be threatened by fear of not being good enough. I see so many children forced into doing things they don’t enjoy, living their parents dreams. Think of how this will affect your child growing up – does it show you support them to be themselves, giving them a foundation to being confident, to be who they want to be?

On the opposite hand, be aware of how you speak to your parents. It’s easy to take it out on our folks after a bad day. In my teenage years I used to say I hate you to their faces, I cant imagine how that felt for them. When we disrespect our parents, do something against them or let them down, imagine how that affects them. They may start believing they’re terrible parents, blame themselves, blame each other – causing friction in marriage. It can spiral in many directions.

Many things can add up more and more if you carry past memories into the future. I have also felt insecure, doubted myself and tried to change myself from being deeply unhappy with the feeling of not being good enough. This stemmed from people’s unconscious actions and words, people That I forgive because they were unaware to the affects they had on me.
It only came to my awareness through therapy how much we all affect each other. some large and some small things stuck with me for years, i am a sensitive soul who doesn’t take things lightly and I held onto many things from the past.

We all tend to hold onto hurt from the past from people’s unconscious actions, this is why it’s important to dig them out become aware of them and let them go. Forgive the people who acted unkindly towards you as they did without awareness from a hurt inside themselves. I also hope anyone I hurt in the past who is reading this, can forgive me for my unconscious actions or words.

I hope this long (sorry!) post helps you realise the different levels of impact we have on each other’s lives. Perhaps it will make you think twice before acting or speaking negatively.

Let go of the past and learn from it – bring awareness to your thoughts, words and actions 🙂

Where the sun is always shining x

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The ripple effect, how our actions affect other people.

We are all the same, underneath the outer layers we all have feelings, emotions. The things that block us from viewing it is that were driven by fear.

People who judge and criticise behave unconsciously, they’re unaware of the damage. This is why becoming conscious and aware of our thoughts, words and actions is so important. Everything we do has a ripple affect on other people.

Have you ever said something horrible to someone? I’m guessing so. Did you ever notice how it made you feel? I’m guessing not good. When we say something horrible to someone it’s not us, it’s our ego taking over and usually coming from a place of fear, anger or sadness.

For example in high school I remember a girl who loved drama, confrontation and starting arguements. She enjoyed picking on me and I never understood why. One day I was so fed up and in the end I called her fat. She didn’t actually respond to me and so I felt like I’d won. My ego felt superior, I’d had the last word. Yet inside I knew that’s not how I wanted to behave, I didn’t enjoy calling people names – nobody does. That name calling came from a place of anger. Yet I will never know how it affected that person, I will never know wether that name calling still rings in her memory. The same as she will never know how I remember her shouting and name calling rings in my mind. We both let our egos take over and rip chunks into each other with name calling and arguing.

This is all too common. If I would’ve listened to my soul, and been mindful I would have dealt with the situation very differently. I would see that the girl had much pain, something troubling her in life that she seemed drama and attention. She obviously felt she needed reaction, good or bad. If I would’ve seen this at the time I would have responded differently instead of reacting.

Hence why we build up guards around ourselves, become closed off to other humans, afraid to show who we truly are.

If we are open, we are vulnerable and risk being hurt by others who are unconscious. Yet if we are aware that their hurtful words or actions are exactly that – unconscious. Then we have a chance of putting a stop to reaction and ego taking over.

Hurtful actions and comments stay in our memories for years, hence why it’s imperative that we bring awareness to ourselves. Everything we do and say to people has an effect on them, we never know to some extent. We must stop acting unconsciously towards others, causing harm because of we let our ego take over just in a fleeting moment you can’t undo those horrible words or horrible actions. We can only apologise.

The other side to being aware and conscious of your thoughts and actions is that when you are personally attacked by someone – you can choose to diminish their comment or action. You can become aware that they are suffering and that is the only reason why they’re behaving this way toward you. No happy person who is conscious goes around verbally abusing people.

We are all divine souls, only our ego separates us.

For example a woman once had a go at me, I was in the wrong slightly but she made it a big drama and was so angry, the tone of voice etc was not very nice. I used my awareness and could see she was troubled with something so I didn’t react or argue back. I apologised and instead talked with her as a friend would.

In a different situation someone would feel personally attacked and get angry, the ego doesn’t like to be blamed and so you would react and shout back. This would only lead to hurtful comments and cause harm to each other.. No resolving.

Then hurtful comments stay with people and they carry them for the rest of their lives.

Next time think when you’re going to criticise someone, comment on their looks or the way they are. It’s all too easy to judge and criticise when we don’t know what someone’s going through.

The only reason we can know what someone’s going through is if they’re open and honest with us – the only way we can achieve that is through less judgment and criticism in the world so people don’t let fear keep them closed up and guarded.

We are not robots, we are alive and we have feelings. We are all divine souls deep down, sometime we unconsciously let the ego take over us and that’s ok, don’t beat yourself up, become aware of it and observe how it makes you feel. The other day I made fun of someone being different and called her weird behind her back, who am I to do that? It doesn’t make me a better person, it made me feel horrible, I don’t know what she’s going through in life, my quick judgement will only prevent me from getting to know her and she is probably a lovely person. Judgment and criticism only separates us, prevents us from bonding and sharing.

Next time you find yourself judging someone or criticising them, have a think. Become aware. Be conscious to your words and actions to yourself and others. Be open and honest and expect the same in return. Try to respond instead of react to other people’s egos.

Be the change you want to see in the world 🙂

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We are all beautiful unique beings. We can’t let fear get in the way of being proud of who we are

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Awareness of pretending to be someone you are not.

This week I’ve struggled to be my true self. I have been in an unfamiliar environment and fell into a trap of acting to others expectations.

This has led to several things

– low moods
– sore throat
– general unease
– agreeing with things I don’t agree with
– acting unconsciously and contributing in gossip and drama.

The great thing is because I practise mind observation, I am fully aware of how I have acted and how it affects me, physically and mentally.

Mind observation is key to bringing awareness, when things don’t feel right we can question our thoughts and behaviours and get to the root of the problem.

So I’ve been staying with a family this week and I’ve wanted to fit in. The family are different to me or so my ego thinks. My ego feels threatened as they don’t understand me, yet I haven’t really given them a proper chance. I have been afraid to voice my opinions because I fear judgment or criticism. Yes, these people may think differently from me and mock my ways, yet if I don’t voice my opinions how will I ever know? I will simply list them and misunderstanding me without really giving them a chance.

Don’t get me wrong, they’re lovely and welcoming. I am wary of how they easily judge and have many opinions. This has resulted in me hiding behind fear and simply acting, being someone I’m not, acting how others would expect me to act. Letting the ego take over.

When we are not ourselves, when we agree with things that we actually disagree with – we’re going against ourselves. Hence why many people feel lost and are trying to find who they really are. We are most of the time unaware that were acting, we do it once and we do it again, acting to other people’s expectations to avoid friction or confrontation. You can imagine if you are constantly acting and pretending to be someone you are not, simply to get along with everyone and be liked, then you can quickly become unbalanced and lose who you are. You’re suddenly agreeing with everyone else, doing what others want you to do, saying what will please others. It gets pretty hard to find yourself and your inner voice amidst all of that?!

So the solution – be true, be you.

It sounds simple and it is. I was afraid to tell the people that I didn’t want to join them on a day out, I did it and guess what – they didn’t hate me. Perhaps they took it personally but that would be their problem. I explained I wanted to do some walking. I had originally without awareness agreed to go but I really didn’t want to, I was upsetting myself in order to not upset them, where’s the sense in that?

We are in control of making ourselves happy, the same as others are in control of making themselves happy.

It would be madness to create anxiety and misery to ourselves just to make someone else happy. Usually they get over it anyway and are responsible for creating their own happiness.

We can’t depend on others to create our happiness. It starts from within.

I have struggled this week and I have actually found it difficult to focus on writing this post – therefore another sign I need to recharge my energy and focus on myself.

Whenever you become aware of feeling out of balance and drained from acting, not being yourself try these few things –

Meditation, balancing postures, yoga, walking, writing to yourself.

The start of the week I found myself drawn to social media, television – all a sign of trying to zone out from reality but in a unhealthy way.

Practise mind observation, be brave and be yourself.

Lots of love

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Accepting the now – that is all you have

The moment right now is all we have.

The past is un changeable, the future is unpredictable and the now is all we have.

We all struggle with accepting things that are happening sometimes in the now.

The now always consists of things that are happening.

Eckhart tolle said – many things that happen, they’re all fleeting moments. Things, bodies and egos, events, thoughts, situations, emotions, desires, fears, dramas and ambitions. They come, pretend to be all important and before you know it they’re gone. Dissolved into the nothing of which they came.

How many times have you worried, stressed yourself out or suffered because of resistance to something that was happening in the now? I have plenty of times. ‘Why is this happening to me’, ‘It isn’t fair’, ‘I hate life’. This is all resistance to accepting something. We make life difficult when we resist what’s happening in the now.

Let’s say we are about to lose our house. This is a stressful, worrying and tense time. If we take a step back and look the situation rationally – it’s happening. We can spend time burying our heads in the sand, refusing to look forward and complaining that this is happening – creating suffering and essentially being stuck in the situation.

Or we can be accepting. This is happening right now – it isn’t going to be forever, it’s a fleeting moment. In the future we will look back and learn from this event. Accept it’s happening and use the energy to be productive and think forward instead of wasting energy on self pity , drama, complaining. (All of which is resistance).

We spend so much of our lives resisting what’s happening, wasting energy on things we cannot change. Surrendering and accepting the now is all we can do. If there’s something ‘bad’ happening right now in life, know that it won’t be forever. Think of previous events that seemed so bad, with time they got better. The now is forever changing, things that happen are forever changing. We can go with the flow of whatever happens and not let it affect us negatively or we create suffering by wishing it wasn’t happening.

The sun is always shining.

Whether it’s behind the clouds some days, the sun will always come out shining soon enough.

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