wherethesunisalwayshining

sprinkling positivity

Surrender to what is, let go of what was and have faith in what will be :) 

  

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Our words and actions affect each other

In the previous post I touched up on the ripple effect that we create when we unconsciously act negatively towards another person, and how it can impact their thoughts and beliefs about themselves or others.

I just wanted to explain a little more in depth of how this works. You may think a negative comment might not affect someone for the rest of their life and this may be true, but either way it will affect them. Do you want to be responsible for making people suffer?

We all have a great impact on each other when we are in contact. This being The general public, friends, acquaintances, partners, people we have relationship with, our family and parents.

I will give a few examples..

The general public, we may not have a life standing impact on these people who we brush past once in a blue moon, nonetheless we have impact. For example, working in a coffee shop it truly makes a difference when you have a customer come in with a happy, positive attitude and conversation, it has a positive impact on my day and I’m bound to have a much happier day just from the lift of that one persons positive energy.
Whereas if someone is rude and unkind towards me, I am less likely to be jumping for joy and this might affect me for the rest of the day
– which ripple effects onto other customers. The same can happen vice versa, if i was horrible to a customer it could ruin their day and they may never return after their bad experience.

As people we have an unhealthy habit of holding onto people’s words and actions and taking them personally.

However the most serious cases and more harmful are in our close relationships – with people we think highly of, people we care for or people we love. Being our partners, friends, lovers or family members.

A negative action or words will hurt deeper if it’s by someone you’re close to.

An example is flirting with other people whilst in a relationship and perhaps even cheating. The words and actions you use affect the partner, perhaps for life. It can knock self confidence and esteem, they may grow insecure about themselves. Many people have trust issues and find it difficult to let go and carry this to their next relationship. Did you ever consider that cheating on someone could affect that persons relationships for the rest of their lives? Or how they think of themselves? I have been guilty of doing this in the past, luckily I was young and completely unaware of how my actions affect others, it’s in the past and I forgive myself and let it teach me
for the future. If you have also treated someone this way, don’t beat yourself up but learn from it and it’s effects.

If you are a parent, be conscious of how you bring up your child, be aware of what you teach them of what you say to them and how you say it. Children already have so many pressures, they don’t need to be threatened by fear of not being good enough. I see so many children forced into doing things they don’t enjoy, living their parents dreams. Think of how this will affect your child growing up – does it show you support them to be themselves, giving them a foundation to being confident, to be who they want to be?

On the opposite hand, be aware of how you speak to your parents. It’s easy to take it out on our folks after a bad day. In my teenage years I used to say I hate you to their faces, I cant imagine how that felt for them. When we disrespect our parents, do something against them or let them down, imagine how that affects them. They may start believing they’re terrible parents, blame themselves, blame each other – causing friction in marriage. It can spiral in many directions.

Many things can add up more and more if you carry past memories into the future. I have also felt insecure, doubted myself and tried to change myself from being deeply unhappy with the feeling of not being good enough. This stemmed from people’s unconscious actions and words, people That I forgive because they were unaware to the affects they had on me.
It only came to my awareness through therapy how much we all affect each other. some large and some small things stuck with me for years, i am a sensitive soul who doesn’t take things lightly and I held onto many things from the past.

We all tend to hold onto hurt from the past from people’s unconscious actions, this is why it’s important to dig them out become aware of them and let them go. Forgive the people who acted unkindly towards you as they did without awareness from a hurt inside themselves. I also hope anyone I hurt in the past who is reading this, can forgive me for my unconscious actions or words.

I hope this long (sorry!) post helps you realise the different levels of impact we have on each other’s lives. Perhaps it will make you think twice before acting or speaking negatively.

Let go of the past and learn from it – bring awareness to your thoughts, words and actions 🙂

Where the sun is always shining x

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Live in the present

Today I was able to connect with a lovely lady from Amsterdam. She was very open and honest with me, although we were merely strangers she cried with me and I comforted her and then listened to what was behind her pain.

That’s what we can create when we are simply real with ourselves and each other. We let people in and they can help us. We let go of the horrible thoughts and negative emotions and get rid of them, we let them flow out of our bodies through words, tears and emotions. 

This lovely lady is on her journey after suffering from depression for years after pushing and plodding on through life doing what was expected of her instead of what she wanted, that would make her happy. After years of doing things to please others, she forgot who she was.. she was living her life as a person other people wanted her to be.

She has overcome many things yet she was sat crying with me. I asked her why.

She felt hurt, hurt that she had wasted years of her life being depressed and feeling so negative about herself and life.

I then questioned her – In 5 years time won’t you look back at this time now and think exactly the same, you’re finding yourself yet you’re still living in the past, beating yourself up about wasting years being depressed. I said, isnt that exactly what you’re doing now, wasting this present moment, beating yourself up, hurting yourself, over the past years that cant be changed?

She looked at me like a light had just gone off – it all made sense.

The present moment is all we have, with it we create our future. So this lady was wasting more time of her life beating herself up over the past that cannot be changed. Its something we all do. beat ourselves up, regretting something that happened in the past, thinking what ifs – but the truth is we’re wasting our lives living in the past. we can only change the future as we create it in the present moment. 

I hope this helps anyone who finds themselves always thinking in the past, wishing it could have been different. 

Sometimes we have to accept things that happened, leave them in the past and let go.

Then we can concentrate on living and doing things in the present moment to create the future we want.

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