wherethesunisalwayshining

sprinkling positivity

The difference between reacting and responding

I have briefly touched up on the difference between reacting to a situation rather than responding. Some people have sensitive reaction modes and will be seen as short-tempered, mouthy or temperamental. Short-tempered people who fit that category of being reactive are the same as everyone else of course, it’s all unconscious behaviour, they’re unaware that their egos have taken over. We all tend to react from time to time, we have different fuses if you like.

Noticing when you are reacting is the key. Becoming aware, being present in the moment and thinking, ‘how can I respond to this?’ instead of being on auto-pilot without really thinking and then reacting.

When I say reacting, it usually means –

-Raised voice/Shouting

– Sarcasm

– Anger/Frustration

– Lashing out/ throwing things/ hitting things

Reaction = More conflict, suffering and negative feelings

Responding = Open, honest discussion. Solving and creating solutions, being aware on both parts.

With responding you are actually thinking about the situation. We essentially want to live in harmony amongst each other, not war, this means as individuals also.

I have a great example as I just had a situation I had to deal with.

A man sat next to me to watch a movie in the hostel, he smelled of alcohol and was drinking a bottle of wine so I knew he was pretty drunk from his behaviour. After a while he began stroking my leg, I waited a few minutes because I wasn’t sure if I was mistaken. But no, he was pretty obvious stroking my leg. I looked at him and he still didn’t stop. I didn’t know how to react or respond.. So I walked away.

Taking time out to think about the situation, I decided to confront him. I didn’t want drama, I just wanted him to be aware of his actions and know they weren’t appropriate. So calmly I just told him I didn’t think it was appropriate and that I now felt uncomfortable. He was full of apology and excuses, yet we where able to discuss the situation calmly and I hope I made him think about his actions.

If I had instantly reacted and shouted at him, he probably would’ve shouted back at me, denied it etc. I wouldn’t of got him to think about his actions or my feelings because by shouting we’re never really listening. Our minds are already in defense mode, we just want to keep going until we win. I would’ve offended him and he would’ve offended me back, with no solving just more drama and complication.

Usually the more we practise the easier it becomes, it becomes a habit. Think about what you want to create, do you want to create more drama and negativity? Or do you want to create a solution and solve things.

We say we want peace not war. Lets prove it, lets start changing things, beginning with ourselves. 🙂

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Having faith doesn’t have to be related to a specific religion

Faith, religion, beliefs. What do they all actually mean?

I used to say i hate religion, it causes war. I thought you only had beliefs if you followed a religion and as I didn’t believe in anything, I didn’t have faith.

In reality we are all religious to some extent, we live our lives following our own beliefs about things perhaps not about a god but we do have beliefs about how the world works.

The other evening I had a very interesting discussion with a man when he questioned If I was religious. I said I was trying to remain open minded to my beliefs as I was open to change and developing new beliefs. This man was an athiest and therefore did not consider himself religious as such.

I explained to him that in recent months my beliefs had changed, I started believing in a ‘higher power’, a ‘god’ if you like. I believe that we are all a creation of the higher power, therefore we have a part of the higher power within us. I don’t relate the higher power to any specific religion but only what I choose it to be. The man questioned why I believed in this, and its simply because my life has changed drastically in the last 6 months since I’ve had faith in a higher power.

Carrying on with the conversation, he started questioning me on my values of letting things go, not reacting to situations and creating suffering for myself and others. The scenario he used was

‘Someone pushes into you in the street and starts having a go at you, pushing you about, would you not defend yourself and fight back?’

There’s a difference I believe in defending ourselves and fighting back. Fighting only causes more conflict, drama and suffering – for myself and the other person involved. It is only the ego within us that wants to fight back and react.

My reply was ‘I would try to respond, not react’. Many hurtful words and actions come from the ego’s reaction, whereas if we take a step back and respond to the situation calmly, we will get a different response from the other person.

Back to beliefs – This man couldn’t understand that I didn’t have any future plans, goals, what I will be doing in 5 or 10 years time. This does work for some people, you might be one, on the other hand you may be like me and get stressed or anxious if we set high goals for ourselves and look too far into the uncertain future.

I have faith that in 5 years time I will be doing exactly what I need to be doing. I believe that anything that comes my way is meant to be, i will try to accept everything that comes with open arms instead of resistance. Having faith in the higher power means I feel safe, it means i can live life from a place of love instead of fear. I have always been worried about what I’d do in the future, now I feel that it’s ok, all is well, all will work out just as they’re meant to.

Some people may read this and think, ‘she’s living in lala land not reality’. I probably would’ve read this two years ago and thought the same. The reason I believe the way I do is simply because I am living proof. I chose a completely different path of life to the one I had planned, It scared me to death not having plans for my future.  Hence I was wasting the present moment of my life, which lead to months of worrying and anxiety because I was looking too far into the future. Now I see it was all exactly how it was meant to be, those months of suffering was to get me to where I am today. I wouldn’t be in Australia, writing this blog right now otherwise, and right now there’s no other place I’d rather be.

The conversation ended up with me starting to feel slightly anxious about my future, with my mind starting to build up thoughts of setting myself a plan. The thing is life changes, plans change and I have no control over that. Therefore I will go with the flow, experience what I need to that’ll give me answers, and have faith that everything that I need will come to me.

Faith comes from a place of love, not fear.

I’m not saying you should all believe in a god, or a higher power. I’m saying, believe in whatever you want to believe in. Become interested, pay attention to your beliefs. What do you really believe in, forget about society, family and friends – they’re not you and they will respect whatever you choose. 🙂

If anyone is interested in reading more about positive affirations, how energy connects us and the higher power then have a read of Louise.L.Hay’s books or Eckhart Tolle. Life changing 🙂

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