sprinkling positivity

Recognizing the power behind your thoughts

Recognizing how your thoughts create an impact on your life is essential for everyone, especially if you find yourself suffering from unhappiness, discontentment, depression, anxiety and stress.

All of which are the outcome of negative thought patterns.

The good news.. we can change our thought patterns into positive ones, creating a positive life!

Our thoughts create our reality..

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN, you may well ask.


Let’s say for example,

The kid’s are fighting (scenario)

‘These kids never listen to me, I can’t cope with this right now’ (thought)

Overwhelming feeling of stress and anxiety. (emotion)

tightness in the chest, shorter breath and muscle tension. (sensations)

shouting at the children, crying and perhaps smack them. (Action/Impulse/Behaviour)

Another example,

You’re with your partner and he’s talking to his really kind and beautiful friend. (scenario)

‘Why is he with me when he could do so much better, what if he leaves me because i’m not good enough.’ (thought)

Overwhelming feeling of panic, jealousy, anxiety. (emotion)

Heavy feeling in the stomach, adrenaline, fast heart beat (sensations)

Act needy and insecure with the partner, controlling and demand the partner not to see her again. (action/impulse/behaviour)

So, you see how easy it is for our thoughts to affect our reality? Creating and shaping our lives and the situations that arise.

Bring awareness to your thoughts and recognize the power behind them, this way you are taking control of your life and choosing what you bring into your reality and what you attract.

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Accepting when negativity arises within us

Complete acceptance for that of which we are.

Wouldn’t that be incredible?

I used to think after all the self-study, observation and reflecting I do, surely I accept myself for who I am now? And yes in a sense I do, I honour my thoughts and feelings and make time to really listen to myself and try putting myself first.

Boy, it takes up a lot of time and energy to do so much self work but ITS WORTH IT. I have never felt so at peace with myself and content with life, even when I have the not so good days. I have discovered who I am (Yes I know it sounds cheesy, but im sorry, its true. People feel lost and its all about going on a journey to find yourself.)

So.. I’ve discovered and continue to learn about who I am but do I have complete acceptance? The answer I discovered this week.. not quite

Through mindfulness practise I discovered feelings of stress and anxiety, aka negative feelings. My mind got annoyed that I was experiencing this negativity so I ended up fighting it, resisting that it was happening and trying to shove it back to wherever it came from. Complete non-acceptance of what I was experiencing in the present moment, not accepting that negative emotions do arise within me once in a while! So basically beating myself up in a way, saying ‘this negativity is not acceptable so get out, i don’t accept you, why are you feeling like this.’

Acceptance is about embracing yourself as a whole, all aspects of yourself, without rejecting the uncomfortable and shameful parts.

I could pretend that I am positive all the time and a negative thought never crosses my mind, but would that be me? Nope, it’d just be pretense, a false self.

We are perfectly imperfect. We have positive and negative thoughts, resistance only makes them grow, acceptance is showing yourself love and kindness. Don’t beat yourself up over a negative emotion, be aware of it and be curious as to why it has arisen and then smile and accept. Accept yourself exactly as you are.

Affirmation of the upcoming week –

* I accept myself and all which arises within me, completely in this present moment *

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Are you creating happiness or suffering for yourself?

Most of us hate the thought that we suffer because of our own thoughts or that we create unhappiness for ourselves. We want to blame someone else or other people’s actions or life situations for causing these negative emotions within us. But does that change or transform them? No, it’s just not accepting responsibility.

Im writing this post because I want us all to understand we are responsible for our happiness and for our suffering, when you understand that then you understand you have control over your thoughts and emotions and they don’t control you. Therefore you have the power and control over your happiness and suffering. You choose how to look at things and that’s what decides whether you are sad or happy.

And you may ask how? Whenever you’re sad or suffering in any form whether it’s anger, frustration, depression – question yourself -‘what thoughts am I thinking about myself and others?’ Because everything comes from thought. Thoughts manifest our reality and create our lives because a thought comes through in our words, actions and feelings.

Feelings of anger or resistance may arise within you from what I have just said, that’s not you that’s just the ego that’s inside each and every one of us. Put your ego aside and try it. Go through that feeling of resistance..

For example let’s say you are suffering because you’re feeling like the odd one out in your group of friends, perhaps you feel like you’re not as attractive, you don’t enjoy the same hobbies as them and you feel like they all know what they want in life because they’re smart and you have no idea and feel dumb. Think how those thoughts may be affecting your life. They are full of negativity, putting yourself down, comparing yourself to others and putting pressure on you.

So now you have awareness you would be able to identify these negative thoughts about the situation that makes you unhappy – great! Now you can change that because you have control over your thoughts. To turn it into a positive perspective, recognize that comparison is the thief of joy, there is no point comparing your beauty to another as we are all unique, there’s no one else on the planet like you and that is beautiful in itself. Focusing on what we do like about ourselves creates happy thoughts , whilst for example – perhaps wishing you had darker skin or bigger hips When in reality you are pale and slim, will only cause suffering because that’s not your body, it’s resisting what you are. show love for what you are and embrace it instead of trying to be something you’re not. Embracing our natural beauty is much easier than resisting and trying to change it!

we all have unique paths and different journeys, there is no smart and dumb because we all excel at different things and we’re all lacking in other things, sometimes it takes longer to find out what we excel in but isn’t that exciting, knowing there’s something out there to discover and be great at, you just have to experiment and try new things which is wonderful anyway.

You see everything changes when you change your perspective on things.

you decide whether you bring yourself suffering or joy.

i understand sometimes it’s difficult to see the other way of thinking if you’re too caught up in it, so perhaps ask a friend or write it down. Ask me and il happily try to find a positive outlook on a situation for you.

remember to take time out to think to yourself -what thoughts am I thinking that is creating this suffering or this happiness? Either is good to observe!

the sun is always shining 🙂

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The difference between reacting and responding

I have briefly touched up on the difference between reacting to a situation rather than responding. Some people have sensitive reaction modes and will be seen as short-tempered, mouthy or temperamental. Short-tempered people who fit that category of being reactive are the same as everyone else of course, it’s all unconscious behaviour, they’re unaware that their egos have taken over. We all tend to react from time to time, we have different fuses if you like.

Noticing when you are reacting is the key. Becoming aware, being present in the moment and thinking, ‘how can I respond to this?’ instead of being on auto-pilot without really thinking and then reacting.

When I say reacting, it usually means –

-Raised voice/Shouting

– Sarcasm

– Anger/Frustration

– Lashing out/ throwing things/ hitting things

Reaction = More conflict, suffering and negative feelings

Responding = Open, honest discussion. Solving and creating solutions, being aware on both parts.

With responding you are actually thinking about the situation. We essentially want to live in harmony amongst each other, not war, this means as individuals also.

I have a great example as I just had a situation I had to deal with.

A man sat next to me to watch a movie in the hostel, he smelled of alcohol and was drinking a bottle of wine so I knew he was pretty drunk from his behaviour. After a while he began stroking my leg, I waited a few minutes because I wasn’t sure if I was mistaken. But no, he was pretty obvious stroking my leg. I looked at him and he still didn’t stop. I didn’t know how to react or respond.. So I walked away.

Taking time out to think about the situation, I decided to confront him. I didn’t want drama, I just wanted him to be aware of his actions and know they weren’t appropriate. So calmly I just told him I didn’t think it was appropriate and that I now felt uncomfortable. He was full of apology and excuses, yet we where able to discuss the situation calmly and I hope I made him think about his actions.

If I had instantly reacted and shouted at him, he probably would’ve shouted back at me, denied it etc. I wouldn’t of got him to think about his actions or my feelings because by shouting we’re never really listening. Our minds are already in defense mode, we just want to keep going until we win. I would’ve offended him and he would’ve offended me back, with no solving just more drama and complication.

Usually the more we practise the easier it becomes, it becomes a habit. Think about what you want to create, do you want to create more drama and negativity? Or do you want to create a solution and solve things.

We say we want peace not war. Lets prove it, lets start changing things, beginning with ourselves. 🙂

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How not to take things personally

When someone calls us names, criticises us, makes fun of us or disagrees with us – we usually take it personally.

We take it to heart and it causes us suffering. We usually re-play that comment or situation in our minds, constantly reminding ourselves of that suffering which leads to more suffering and depression.

When we take things personally we take it as a personal attack and our ego’s instinct is to personally attack back.

For example – If I was to say your car was green, and you where to say no it’s blue. We would take the disagreement personally and argue because both our ego’s want to be right and the other person to be wrong. The argument in itself is pointless because does the car care what colour we say it is? no. Therefore who are we trying to prove ourselves to = ourselves.

It’s not easy, it actually is quite hard to not take something personally because we believe that it is personal, until we are able to take a step back and look at the bigger picture.

For example, When you may cook someone food and ask for their honest feedback, they may say it was bland. That will probably hurt your feelings and you may think right, they dont like me, i dont care what they think anyway, i dont like them now.

When in reality, you could put yourself in their shoes and see that they gave you what you asked for, honest feedback with good intention – so that you could learn and improve from this mistake. We have no failures in life – only when we don’t learn anything. For example you could beat yourself up and think, my dinner was crap it was a failure, i am a failure – when it actually was a great success because you learned from that experience to add some more flavour. The real failure would’ve been for everyone to pretend it was good, and you would carry on serving the same bland food.

In first instance we will usually take things personally, you might ask ‘how can I not take it personally when I have someone shouting in my face saying I did a bad job, I am useless’ etc. That is a personal attack on you, yes. But you choose whether to take it personally.

Thought a – You can choose to think ‘Maybe I am useless, i hate that person, who do they think they are talking to me like that! I’m going to give them a taste of their own medicine, see how they like it when I tell them they’re ugly and nobody likes them’

Or you can choose thought b – think ‘Wow, they are having a bad day, something is really troubling them. If it wasn’t me, it would’ve been someone else having all that negative emotion thrown at. Maybe I should show them some love and be here if they need someone to talk to’

You see, whenever someone personally attacks you it isn’t because its personal for you, its personal for them. They have some issues they need to work on, they have emotions they aren’t coping with so they need to put them out there and get a reaction. They need to argue, shout, scream, it’s unfortunate that it comes out for you, but if you weren’t there it would’ve been someone else anyway. That’s how it shows its not for you to take personally as it could’ve been anyone.

If you look at the two scenarios you can see how both would have different endings. If you where to think a – you can see how it would lead to more arguing, personally attacking each other, damaging each other and causing no good, only misery and pain.

Where as thought b – you would perhaps begin to feel sorry for this person, you cant imagine what they must be going through to have so much anger and hatred inside them. You would start to feel compassion for them and not take on board their hurtful words so it would not cause you suffering. Maybe you would in fact even give this person a shoulder to cry on and say, what really is the problem here, do you want to talk about it.

The same goes for when we are feeling angry, upset or frustrated and we take it out on someone else. Perhaps then we need to question, what is really bothering me.

These situations crop up in life daily, only when we can recognize them in ourselves and others can we begin to understand that we dont need to take personal attacks, personally. And when we are at the receiving end, maybe we should give our attackers love, care and ask them what’s truly wrong. Instead of automatically attacking them back, which only creates grief.

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