wherethesunisalwayshining

sprinkling positivity

Taking responsibility instead of blaming others

We have control over ourselves, we have the power.

By blaming someone, we give that power away, we give it to them. We are saying, it is your fault that I feel like this – which is essentially saying, you have control over me and my feelings.

Saying someone else creates your suffering is not taking responsibility for yourself. You are in control of your own life.

I used to really struggle with this. I would get so frustrated and upset because other people would do things that annoyed me. I blamed other people for my unhappiness. But it was my perception. I let myself get annoyed at external things beyond my control, until I learned that I control how I  view things.

Last week I began to get stressed and frustrated looking after a child who is pretty demanding and craves attention. My mind was on auto-pilot thinking, ‘ she’s so demanding, ungrateful, needy and controlling. it’s her way or no way.’ This kind of thinking just led me to feel more and more annoyed every time she’d have a new injury or be demanding my attention without any patience.

When I became aware of my thoughts I realized the effect they where having on my body (stress,anxiety,muscle tension) and how I was acting colder, blunter with the child. Both things I didn’t want.

So as I stepped out of auto-pilot, I took responsibility because I know that it was only my perception at fault. The way I was viewing the situation was as if my thoughts and assumptions where the truth. Thoughts and assumptions are not truth.

Instead I decided to be curious, this child would never choose to be this unhappy with herself, she doesn’t choose to get stressed out,cry at little things, she doesn’t choose to be so needy and demanding of her mum. There must be more depth to it than I am currently viewing. I understood she has insecurities, she needs attention because she is missing something. With understanding, I began to grow compassion and empathy and realised theres a lot more depth to this little person than I know.

There’s a lot more depth to each and every person, more than we will ever know.

So I had that transformation with our relationship, by taking responsibility and deciding to change my views instead of just blaming her for my anxious state.

When we take responsibility for ourselves, we recognize our power and control. We recognize the freedom of choice.

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Freedom of thought, freedom from thought

You are not your thoughts. How many times have we heard this? But do we really understand it, most importantly do we understand the message it gives us.

That is that we have freedom from thought, if we are not our minds then we are free from it’s negative thinking.

My intention for this blog has always been to bring awareness to people, in hope that you become aware of your thoughts and how they create your reality.

We don’t choose what thoughts pop into our minds most of the time, but we do have a choice on how to perceive those thoughts. That choice only comes once you know and you are aware that you can differentiate yourself from the minds thinking.

For example –

Let’s say Lucy who struggles with self-esteem, wants to try for the dance team but doesn’t feel she can because her mind is in a negative spiral, it says things like ‘I’ll let the team-down, I’m not good enough, what if the others just laugh at me..I am a failure.’

Without awareness, Lucy accepts this as the truth. She thinks she is her mind, therefore her thoughts are facts.

If Lucy was to bring her awareness to this negative thinking by pausing the auto-pilot mode that she lives in, she would be able to challenge that thought and realize, its just a negative thought, it’s not the truth.

This is not true. We are not our thoughts, we do not choose them and they’re not the truth. Something negative happens in the past, we take it personally and hold on to that hurt instead of letting it go, then our minds remember and project it into the future and create our new thoughts based on the past experiences, creating more negativity in our lives.

Try body scanning, or a stillness meditation, observe what thoughts come up or what feelings and sensations that you experience in your body.. then recognize that you are the observer. You are not the thought, you are the one watching it.

‘What a liberation to realize that “the voice in my head” is not who I am. Who am I then? The one who sees that.’  – Eckhart.Tolle

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Our thoughts – Foreground and Background

This week I began a mindfulness training and something the teacher said really stuck with me.

My last post was about accepting ourselves on a whole, without rejecting the uncomfortable or shameful parts. Accepting ourselves for all that arises within us, that including the negative.

Resisting or fighting negativity only focuses on it and creates more – as we know what we focus on grows.

And so, my teacher said whilst we began a meditation – notice you will have background noise, but bring your attention to whatever you want to focus on, let that be in the foreground.

So for example, we had bin lorries beeping in the background of our minds but our attention was to focus on the leg (in a body scan mediation). Therefore the leg being in the foreground of the mind.

Occasionally during meditation, our attention will wonder and the main focus will drift into the background and something else will replace in the foreground (focus).. until we become aware that we have drifted and we pull it back.

This is what struck me. Isn’t it the same with everything in life? Sometimes we are focused on the positive but the negative is just in the background and sometimes negativity will arise and become the focus, yet positivty remains in the background, it’s just waiting for us to pull it back to the foreground again to be our main focus.

Also about accepting it as a whole, accepting that our mind’s do drift from thought to thought instead of being constantly focused on the meditation.. and that’s perfectly ok.

Let’s be kind to ourselves and smile whenever the background shifts to the foreground or we lose focus. Let’s smile and accept that it happens. Lets remind ourselves, We are human and doing our best 🙂

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Finding Balance in your life

Finding balance can be difficult, especially as we have so many different areas of our lives to balance.

Creating this equal balance in our lives takes time and effort to tune in with ourselves, to listen to gut feeling and intuition, to know if we are doing too much or could push ourselves to do more.

Its about experimenting and learning about yourself. Learning to trust your body, it takes great care of you and will always let you know if something is wrong and therefore out of balance. This is why it’s so important to be present and take time daily to tune-in with yourself.

People often run around all day, busy or stressed, rushing from one place to another. They probably get symptoms of illness way before they stop and realize, by this time the body is screaming. Where as if you take time daily to listen you will notice even minor symptoms and therefore be able to prevent it getting worse.

If you find yourself constantly tired or ill with lethargic symptoms, cold, flu’s, sickness bugs or digestive problems.. consider why that is.

A few years ago I had a cold every other week. I kept complaining but once i’d get better I went back to normal and the next week I’d be sick again. I never thought about getting to the root of the problem and trying to prevent illness. It turned out I was supressing emotions, living with a unhealthy diet, not enough sleep or too much, drinking a lot of alcohol and spending no time alone. I had completely lost balance of many areas in life, this resulted in feeling lost and constantly run down and lethargic.

Balance is they key to a healthy life. Make time for yourself, only you can figure out a balance for your mind, body and soul. You have to truly listen to you as all our bodies are unique to us

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theres a difference between being selfish and looking after yourself

In our society we have been taught that were selfish if we do as we please, put ourselves first and make ourselves happy before someone else. This is not reality, it’s a misconception to believe that other people are responsible for our happiness, and we are responsible for theirs. We are neglecting ourselves if we say yes to something when inside were shouting no. We aren’t being kind to ourselves if we stay unhappy just because we know we’re making someone else happy. We have this inner voice and feelings as a sign to show what we want in life, it’s there for a reason so listen to it.

it would be selfish for someone to ask you not to put yourself first.

A paragraph from the secret –

Unless you fill yourself up with love first, you have nothing to give to anybody. Therefore it is imperative to tend to you first. Attend to your joy first. People are responsible for their own joy. When you tend to your joy and do what makes you feel good, you are a joy to be around and you are a shining example to every child and every person in your life. When you are feeling joy you don’t even have to think about giving. It is a natural over flow.

lets show an example –

lets say and old man asks you to do his washing for him, of course you want to help and be kind do you probably would. Then it becomes a routine and you end up doing it weekly. Then life starts to become hectic and you have many other things going on and you’re stressed trying to keep everyone happy. You feel it would be selfish to stop doing the old mans washing but inside you really don’t want to do it anymore as it’s just another thing on the long list. In truth it would be selfish for the old man to continue expecting this from you if he knew everything else you had going on.

Listen to yourself, be honest in a situation and know you have to put yourself first which sometimes means saying no to things that make others happy but yourself unhappy, sick or stressed.

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My Daily Affirmation

I thought it would be nice for me to share my daily affirmation with you guys, it’s simple, meaningful and takes 2 minutes if you’re short on time.

I usually like to practise yoga or sun salutations to begin with to focus my energy inwards and quieten the mind (this is optional and not necessary when short on time)

I then bring my hands in prayer position to my forehead with the mantra

– ‘I bring kind thoughts to myself, and others.’

Secondly I move my hands to my lips, still in prayer position

– ‘I bring kind words to myself, and others.’

I then move my arms to the middle of my chest, near the heart

– ‘I bring kind actions to myself and to others.’

Finally finishing with a bow and namaste.

This mini affirmation is great to start the day, it sets intention to be kind to yourself and everyone else through how you think, speak and act. Making sure we are not harshly commenting or judging ourselves, dont call ourselves names and don’t abuse ourselves. The same towards others. I find It stays in my mind all day then too 🙂

I also usually add on a little thought for what I am grateful for, what I would like to achieve from my day or life in general. This is great for focusing your thoughts on positive outcomes and being clear about what you want. Its also great for making you feel great, focusing on what you do have and what you’re grateful for instead of focusing on what you don’t have.

Let me know if you decide to practise it also, and if you feel a difference! Remember, it only takes 2 minutes but it could transform your day, your relationship with yourself and everyone else you encounter.

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What thoughts are you having today?

Stop for a second and think? What thoughts are you having right now, what thoughts are creating your feelings, what thoughts are manifesting into your reality?

If you want a good life, make sure you are creating good feelings by having good thoughts.

Perhaps do this exercise everyday, it takes 5 minutes if that. Bringing awareness to your thoughts and feelings. Perhaps try doing it mid morning so you are aware of where you’re at, and how you can transform your day by having better thoughts.

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Our thoughts affect our whole lives

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