wherethesunisalwayshining

sprinkling positivity

theres a difference between being selfish and looking after yourself

In our society we have been taught that were selfish if we do as we please, put ourselves first and make ourselves happy before someone else. This is not reality, it’s a misconception to believe that other people are responsible for our happiness, and we are responsible for theirs. We are neglecting ourselves if we say yes to something when inside were shouting no. We aren’t being kind to ourselves if we stay unhappy just because we know we’re making someone else happy. We have this inner voice and feelings as a sign to show what we want in life, it’s there for a reason so listen to it.

it would be selfish for someone to ask you not to put yourself first.

A paragraph from the secret –

Unless you fill yourself up with love first, you have nothing to give to anybody. Therefore it is imperative to tend to you first. Attend to your joy first. People are responsible for their own joy. When you tend to your joy and do what makes you feel good, you are a joy to be around and you are a shining example to every child and every person in your life. When you are feeling joy you don’t even have to think about giving. It is a natural over flow.

lets show an example –

lets say and old man asks you to do his washing for him, of course you want to help and be kind do you probably would. Then it becomes a routine and you end up doing it weekly. Then life starts to become hectic and you have many other things going on and you’re stressed trying to keep everyone happy. You feel it would be selfish to stop doing the old mans washing but inside you really don’t want to do it anymore as it’s just another thing on the long list. In truth it would be selfish for the old man to continue expecting this from you if he knew everything else you had going on.

Listen to yourself, be honest in a situation and know you have to put yourself first which sometimes means saying no to things that make others happy but yourself unhappy, sick or stressed.

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What thoughts are you having today?

Stop for a second and think? What thoughts are you having right now, what thoughts are creating your feelings, what thoughts are manifesting into your reality?

If you want a good life, make sure you are creating good feelings by having good thoughts.

Perhaps do this exercise everyday, it takes 5 minutes if that. Bringing awareness to your thoughts and feelings. Perhaps try doing it mid morning so you are aware of where you’re at, and how you can transform your day by having better thoughts.

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Our thoughts affect our whole lives

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Feelings are our friends

How many times have we said, ‘I wish I didn’t feel like this’, ‘I wish I didn’t have these feelings for this person’, ‘I wish feelings didn’t exist sometimes’. I know I’ve said those words many times.

So let’s talk about our feelings.. how are you feeling?

In simple – If you are feeling good then you are thinking good thoughts. If you are feeling bad, you’re thinking bad thoughts.

Our feelings are directly linked to our thoughts, it’s our bodies clever way of letting us know what we’re thinking! Although most of the time we resist our feelings, unaware that we’re bringing them on ourselves by what we’re thinking!

So imagine how you’re life can change once you become aware of your feelings and accept them as your own creation, instead of resisting them and wishing you felt happier etc.. you can, you just need to change your thoughts!

‘Your feelings tell you very quickly what you’re thinking. Think about when your feelings suddenly took a dive – maybe when you heard some bad news. That feeling in your stomach was instant. Those butterfly feelings in your stomach when you meet up with someone you love. The heavy feeling of your chest when you’re sad. ‘ – The Secret

Feelings are our friends. They can bring us awareness to changing our thoughts. If you’re feeling depressed, angry, frustrated, upset, then you’re having bad thoughts. Only you can change that and choose to think positive thoughts.

You can choose to think positive thoughts by creating affirmations, focusing on the good. smile to yourself. do something you enjoy.

Don’t resist your feelings, face them head on as they are the key to bringing awareness to your thoughts. Feelings are the best indicator to letting you know what’s going on in your mind. It is impossible to be feeling bad and have good thoughts at the same time. If you are feeling bad it is because your are thinking thoughts that are making you feel bad.

Remember, through awareness we take control of our own minds, taking control of our life and creating a better one.

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What I see in you is a reflection of myself

IMG_6987

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How is the way you talk about yourself affecting your life?

At some point we will think or talk about ourselves negatively.

I don’t know about you but I’ve heard myself say (in my mind, or out loud), things like –

‘I’m sad, im stressed, im angry, im fat, Im boney, Im spotty, Im not happy.’ etc

I’ve heard many other people say these things out loud too, but in fact those words in themselves are giving out negative vibes. Negative words cannot bring us positive lives.

So if we actually observe the situation and accept yes sometimes we do feel sad, stressed and angry. That’s not you or me as people though. I am not a angry human being, Angry is a feeling therefore I simply feel angry but thats not who i am.

Do you see the difference? Deep down in our souls we are not angry, we don’t like or want to be angry. So when we say we simply feel angry, we realize that actually it’s just a feeling at this present moment, that will pass and it no longer seems such a big deal. Accepting feelings and even just using the words correctly makes a big difference.

The same goes for I’m fat or I’m boney. Yes I have fat, yes I have bones.. thank god!

Therefore next time we go to say im fat or im boney, instead we can say ‘I have fat, like everyone else, perhaps more than I’d like but I can change that If i choose too. I am not fat but I have fat.’ It makes you see it in a completely different way, fat doesn’t define you as a person and neither do bones.

Words and feelings only define us as people if we let them. What we think and say creates our reality, so if we say things as they really are then we can see that they’re not us as people.

Have a think, what do you define yourself as?

Next time you do have negative feelings, simply recognise them as exactly that – feelings. We all know feelings come and go, they change. You are not an sad person, you are in fact a divine amazing person who might have sad feelings at this present moment.

I used to say I am unattractive because I have spots. When in fact I am a beautiful person who has spotty skin. The same goes for cellulite, I used to say I am unattractive because I was unhappy with one small piece of how my body looked on the behind. I am not cellulite though or wobbly, I have a limbs that work and move and take me from A to B, and they happen to have some cellulite on them. Because I am human, as are you.

If we focus on the negatives, the little details we don’t like about ourselves then that’s the only place we focus. We don’t look at the bigger picture, we don’t see that we are amazing creatures, capable of endless possibilities with beating hearts and healthy bodies.. because we’re too caught up on our love handles – we focus on one negative and let it define us as a person.

Well let me tell you – Whatever size, shape, colour you are. you are amazing. So take a step back and appreciate all that you are, for the flaws and imperfections included, because theres no one else like you. you’re one of a kind, that in itself is beautiful.

🙂

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How not to take things personally

When someone calls us names, criticises us, makes fun of us or disagrees with us – we usually take it personally.

We take it to heart and it causes us suffering. We usually re-play that comment or situation in our minds, constantly reminding ourselves of that suffering which leads to more suffering and depression.

When we take things personally we take it as a personal attack and our ego’s instinct is to personally attack back.

For example – If I was to say your car was green, and you where to say no it’s blue. We would take the disagreement personally and argue because both our ego’s want to be right and the other person to be wrong. The argument in itself is pointless because does the car care what colour we say it is? no. Therefore who are we trying to prove ourselves to = ourselves.

It’s not easy, it actually is quite hard to not take something personally because we believe that it is personal, until we are able to take a step back and look at the bigger picture.

For example, When you may cook someone food and ask for their honest feedback, they may say it was bland. That will probably hurt your feelings and you may think right, they dont like me, i dont care what they think anyway, i dont like them now.

When in reality, you could put yourself in their shoes and see that they gave you what you asked for, honest feedback with good intention – so that you could learn and improve from this mistake. We have no failures in life – only when we don’t learn anything. For example you could beat yourself up and think, my dinner was crap it was a failure, i am a failure – when it actually was a great success because you learned from that experience to add some more flavour. The real failure would’ve been for everyone to pretend it was good, and you would carry on serving the same bland food.

In first instance we will usually take things personally, you might ask ‘how can I not take it personally when I have someone shouting in my face saying I did a bad job, I am useless’ etc. That is a personal attack on you, yes. But you choose whether to take it personally.

Thought a – You can choose to think ‘Maybe I am useless, i hate that person, who do they think they are talking to me like that! I’m going to give them a taste of their own medicine, see how they like it when I tell them they’re ugly and nobody likes them’

Or you can choose thought b – think ‘Wow, they are having a bad day, something is really troubling them. If it wasn’t me, it would’ve been someone else having all that negative emotion thrown at. Maybe I should show them some love and be here if they need someone to talk to’

You see, whenever someone personally attacks you it isn’t because its personal for you, its personal for them. They have some issues they need to work on, they have emotions they aren’t coping with so they need to put them out there and get a reaction. They need to argue, shout, scream, it’s unfortunate that it comes out for you, but if you weren’t there it would’ve been someone else anyway. That’s how it shows its not for you to take personally as it could’ve been anyone.

If you look at the two scenarios you can see how both would have different endings. If you where to think a – you can see how it would lead to more arguing, personally attacking each other, damaging each other and causing no good, only misery and pain.

Where as thought b – you would perhaps begin to feel sorry for this person, you cant imagine what they must be going through to have so much anger and hatred inside them. You would start to feel compassion for them and not take on board their hurtful words so it would not cause you suffering. Maybe you would in fact even give this person a shoulder to cry on and say, what really is the problem here, do you want to talk about it.

The same goes for when we are feeling angry, upset or frustrated and we take it out on someone else. Perhaps then we need to question, what is really bothering me.

These situations crop up in life daily, only when we can recognize them in ourselves and others can we begin to understand that we dont need to take personal attacks, personally. And when we are at the receiving end, maybe we should give our attackers love, care and ask them what’s truly wrong. Instead of automatically attacking them back, which only creates grief.

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How the way we think causes suffering, not the situation itself.

We tend to blame people or situations for causing us unhappiness and suffering, yet this is not truly the case.

It’s not the situation or people who cause us suffering but the way we think about it, deal with it and react to it.

For example the same unfortunate things happen to people every day, yet each person thinks about that situation differently and has different levels of suffering.

Today I found myself causing myself pain, hurt and more suffering over something that wasn’t very important.

I had been told today I had the afternoon off so I made plans with a lady I met to go swimming in the Billabong. As it is my last week here and I had become friends with this lady, I thought it’d be special to go swimming in it together and sharing the experience. However plans changed and I had to work the lunchtime shift and my friend was leaving straight after lunch so with no one to cover me, it was not possible for me to go swimming with her.

I felt upset, annoyed and angry. I had these plans and I had to work when I was told I didn’t have to.

I was very aware of my feelings, i knew I was upset and angry and was looking for someone to blame.

So I took a step back at the bigger picture, did I enjoy feeling like this? No. Then why was I doing it to myself – It wasn’t the end of the world.

Then another thought piped up – ‘It’s such a nice sunny day though, it would’ve been perfect to go swimming there today, and it would’ve been a great experience before Elenoor left.’

That thought right there was doing no good, only harming myself further – causing me more suffering to feel angrier and upset.

I observed that thought closely and felt how that single sentence in my mind caused me many more negative emotions. Did they change the situation? no. They just made me feel worse so what was the point?

Instead I decided I can look at it a different way, accept that it just wasn’t meant to be. Perhaps there would’ve been a snake or something in there that I avoided, perhaps it wouldn’t of been to my expectation. And I can always go again, perhaps I just need to challenge myself and go alone. There where endless possibilities of ways I could look at the situation in a positive way, that didn’t cause me suffering.

Once I had changed my view of thinking and accepted the situation, I felt a weight had been lifted. It just wasn’t as important anymore, I couldn’t change it but I could change my way of thinking about it.

Every day in life we cause ourselves suffering from viewing situations negatively. When plans change, things dont go our way or how we expected.. it’s easy for negative thoughts to pop up – but we dont have to listen to them.

We can observe our thoughts and feel the emotions they create inside our bodies. Negative emotions don’t tend to feel nice or good to us so surely it makes sense for us to stop and look at the bigger picture, not let the ego react.

Emotions come as a reaction in our body to our thoughts. Think positive thoughts, you will feel happy. Feel negative emotions and you will feel stressed, anxious, fearful, angry, annoyed etc. Maybe like my situation, negative thoughts will pop into your head first and cause you to feel angry and upset, thats ok, just let them flow through you and observe them, then you can decide actually I dont want to feel like this, so i choose to see the situation differently, positively.

There’s always a positive outlook, we just need to find it.

The sun is always shining 🙂

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Live in the present

Today I was able to connect with a lovely lady from Amsterdam. She was very open and honest with me, although we were merely strangers she cried with me and I comforted her and then listened to what was behind her pain.

That’s what we can create when we are simply real with ourselves and each other. We let people in and they can help us. We let go of the horrible thoughts and negative emotions and get rid of them, we let them flow out of our bodies through words, tears and emotions. 

This lovely lady is on her journey after suffering from depression for years after pushing and plodding on through life doing what was expected of her instead of what she wanted, that would make her happy. After years of doing things to please others, she forgot who she was.. she was living her life as a person other people wanted her to be.

She has overcome many things yet she was sat crying with me. I asked her why.

She felt hurt, hurt that she had wasted years of her life being depressed and feeling so negative about herself and life.

I then questioned her – In 5 years time won’t you look back at this time now and think exactly the same, you’re finding yourself yet you’re still living in the past, beating yourself up about wasting years being depressed. I said, isnt that exactly what you’re doing now, wasting this present moment, beating yourself up, hurting yourself, over the past years that cant be changed?

She looked at me like a light had just gone off – it all made sense.

The present moment is all we have, with it we create our future. So this lady was wasting more time of her life beating herself up over the past that cannot be changed. Its something we all do. beat ourselves up, regretting something that happened in the past, thinking what ifs – but the truth is we’re wasting our lives living in the past. we can only change the future as we create it in the present moment. 

I hope this helps anyone who finds themselves always thinking in the past, wishing it could have been different. 

Sometimes we have to accept things that happened, leave them in the past and let go.

Then we can concentrate on living and doing things in the present moment to create the future we want.

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Releasing our true emotions as adults as we would as children.

As adults we like to complicate things. In fact we grow up with the beliefs that being an adult is hard work and stressful.

As children we are pure and innocent because we haven’t experienced much in life. The adults we’re surrounded by at home, school, clubs, events – that’s where we pick up most of our limiting beliefs (not on purpose but only because that’s what beliefs where passed on to them, hence how would they know any different.)

As children we don’t care about what other people think of us, what society expects from us, we dont fret about the past or worry about the future. We’re simply living day by day and being totally present.

When children are sad, they cry. They let their emotions out, then they feel better and get over it. As adults when we’re sad we believe we have to keep it together, we can’t just cry on a bus in public if we feel sad, what would people think?

In reality though, our natural instinct is to cry when we’re sad or over whelmed, so why would we go against that? It makes no sense, letting unresolved emotions build up inside us that in the end results in sickness.

As adults we’re portrayed to behave, act and be a certain way that goes against our natural selves.

I know adults have many more responsibilities but by believing we have to work hard, keep it all together for the public and put a brave face on, we’re essentially lying to everyone and to ourselves.

Next time you’re feeling sad in public and overwhelmed, feel that emotion and let it out, cry. Who cares who’s watching.

Next time you have a funny memory, laugh your head off. Why would you keep a laugh in just to avoid some funny looks?

The more we carry on judging others in our society, the more we will keep our feelings inside and block our emotions out. Which in the end creates illness and we become cold human beings who can’t relate to each other.

Sounds complicated but it’s actually simple. Just be true to yourself, let your inner child out and do what’s natural.

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