wherethesunisalwayshining

sprinkling positivity

Working 9-5 what a way to make a living…

Why is it that we buy into the 9-5 working way of living…

As 5 year olds in school we have great dreams of becoming astronauts, ballet dancers, actors and so on.. So why is it that we lose this drive, this passion to fulfill our ambitions.

Of course as we grow older our passions might change but even then we find ourselves settling for things on a much smaller scale because we no longer believe our dreams are achievable.

Growing up, we are surrounded in a society that has been set in a trap, we’re programmed with limiting beliefs that do not serve us, that ‘real’ life is hard and that dreams are just dreams.

From a young age in school we are taught that we are dumb or stupid if we don’t pass the exams they set us, even though we are all different with various IQ and emotional intelligence. Slowly our dreams floats away.. we are told we have to be realistic and not live in a fantasy land.

The truth is we are being tricked out of our lives. We leave school with a lot of fear, confusion, self-doubt and insecurities, mostly from comparison to others because we are expected all to do the same things and then compare ourselves for not being the same.

In my opinion, it’s all intentional, so that with these insecurities we can work for the system.

By working for the system I mean spending the majority of our life working to earn money, just so we can then give it back to the system by buying a big house, a nice car and the latest gadgets and materialistic things.

The marketing world makes us believe that by purchasing the latest gadgets, going on exotic holidays and owning a flash car – it will make us happy and prove our success.

We have bought into the statement that ‘Money buys happiness’. With the insecurities we have from leaving school. we have something great to prove so when we earn money, we want to buy things to prove our success, to ourselves and others. We want to own the latest gadget or newest car.. not really for ourselves but for what others will think of us.

That comes from that insecurity that was ingrained within from a young age. We constantly want more, because the marketing world will always bring new things into creation and to want to keep proving our success, we will always be buying more. We will never feel fulfilled with what we have, not whilst someone else has more than us.

And so we become slaves to the system.. spending fifty years of our lives working for money, just to spend it back on materialistic things that actually only bring us short-term happiness, so that we have to go back to working the long hours just to buy the next big thing.. a continuous cycle of dis-contentment and unfulfillement.

We are lucky to then have our health after we retire, all these things but our lives have passed us by.. Or many have a mid-life crisis from recognizing their deep unhappiness from being alive but not really living. More so, nowadays mental illnesses are on the rise within young adults from the self-doubt, fear of the future and simply feeling lost.

I ask you to question whatever your doing, question your intentions and what you really want out of your life.

Perhaps you say you want a lot of money, why? We all want to be comfortable but there is no need for greed.

Imagine if you worked your own hours, doing something you dream about and serves your passion.. that would bring you fulfillment, time spent working would be more like doing a hobby and you would have spare time to do things for yourself or your family. All you need is self-belief that you can actually create any kind of life that you want, know that any limiting beleifs that you cannot do that, are not real. Recognize the potential within yourself, within all of us.

We are the creators of our lives, its time we began to live up to it.

Follow your dreams and unleash your power

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Recognizing the power behind your thoughts

Recognizing how your thoughts create an impact on your life is essential for everyone, especially if you find yourself suffering from unhappiness, discontentment, depression, anxiety and stress.

All of which are the outcome of negative thought patterns.

The good news.. we can change our thought patterns into positive ones, creating a positive life!

Our thoughts create our reality..

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN, you may well ask.

THOUGHTS  =  EMOTION  =  SENSATION  =  ACTION/ IMPULSE/ BEHAVIOUR.

Let’s say for example,

The kid’s are fighting (scenario)

‘These kids never listen to me, I can’t cope with this right now’ (thought)

Overwhelming feeling of stress and anxiety. (emotion)

tightness in the chest, shorter breath and muscle tension. (sensations)

shouting at the children, crying and perhaps smack them. (Action/Impulse/Behaviour)

Another example,

You’re with your partner and he’s talking to his really kind and beautiful friend. (scenario)

‘Why is he with me when he could do so much better, what if he leaves me because i’m not good enough.’ (thought)

Overwhelming feeling of panic, jealousy, anxiety. (emotion)

Heavy feeling in the stomach, adrenaline, fast heart beat (sensations)

Act needy and insecure with the partner, controlling and demand the partner not to see her again. (action/impulse/behaviour)

So, you see how easy it is for our thoughts to affect our reality? Creating and shaping our lives and the situations that arise.

Bring awareness to your thoughts and recognize the power behind them, this way you are taking control of your life and choosing what you bring into your reality and what you attract.

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Tuning in with your thoughts

Thoughts.. We have so many running in and out of our minds on auto-pilot that we aren’t even aware of most of them..

We have variations of thoughts, some pop up completely random, some we think regularly (like lists of things to do), some are memories from the past and some are illusions of the future.

Most of the time we don’t even know because we aren’t even aware of our thoughts, they’re running in and out without a pause to observe or contemplation.

With awareness and observation of your thoughts you get to know yourself better and can make significant changes to improve your life..

  • Taking notice of the voice/tone you speak to yourself in.

We all have a critique up there in the mind, bringing awareness to how we speak to ourselves can be shocking for some people. Also bringing awareness to the tone.Let’s say you’re answering a question in front of a class and getting the answer wrong, the critique within might pipe up and say ‘ well done stupid, you just made yourself look like a right idiot.’ Noticing how you speak to yourself is crucial as it can be really damaging for your self-esteem and confidence.

  • Noticing if you honour yourself and listen to yourself,

Bringing awareness to your thoughts can help you tune in and listen to yourself. Let’s say you’re really tired and run down, all you want is an early night in, then work calls and asks you to work a shift and before you even know it you’ve said yes. Inside you’re screaming no and can’t think of anything worse, but you felt compelled to say yes to please others, to make others happy even if that means you suffer. That is not giving yourself the love and care you deserve.

  • Noticing how you interact with others, are you judgemental/critical?

We all fear judgement from others, that is why we do what others expect from us. We care about what others think of us, whether they know us or not. Bring awareness to your thoughts and you will notice the judgements and labels you put on people just from their appearance or actions. You may decide you don’t like your mum’s new boyfriend because the first time you meet him he is very quiet and appears rude by not making an effort. This would be your judgement, probably without considering how he would be feeling, perhaps scared,nervous or overwhelmed. Usually through judging others we make assumptions which aren’t accurate and lose the chance of connection and new relationships.

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You have the power

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Taking responsibility instead of blaming others

We have control over ourselves, we have the power.

By blaming someone, we give that power away, we give it to them. We are saying, it is your fault that I feel like this – which is essentially saying, you have control over me and my feelings.

Saying someone else creates your suffering is not taking responsibility for yourself. You are in control of your own life.

I used to really struggle with this. I would get so frustrated and upset because other people would do things that annoyed me. I blamed other people for my unhappiness. But it was my perception. I let myself get annoyed at external things beyond my control, until I learned that I control how I  view things.

Last week I began to get stressed and frustrated looking after a child who is pretty demanding and craves attention. My mind was on auto-pilot thinking, ‘ she’s so demanding, ungrateful, needy and controlling. it’s her way or no way.’ This kind of thinking just led me to feel more and more annoyed every time she’d have a new injury or be demanding my attention without any patience.

When I became aware of my thoughts I realized the effect they where having on my body (stress,anxiety,muscle tension) and how I was acting colder, blunter with the child. Both things I didn’t want.

So as I stepped out of auto-pilot, I took responsibility because I know that it was only my perception at fault. The way I was viewing the situation was as if my thoughts and assumptions where the truth. Thoughts and assumptions are not truth.

Instead I decided to be curious, this child would never choose to be this unhappy with herself, she doesn’t choose to get stressed out,cry at little things, she doesn’t choose to be so needy and demanding of her mum. There must be more depth to it than I am currently viewing. I understood she has insecurities, she needs attention because she is missing something. With understanding, I began to grow compassion and empathy and realised theres a lot more depth to this little person than I know.

There’s a lot more depth to each and every person, more than we will ever know.

So I had that transformation with our relationship, by taking responsibility and deciding to change my views instead of just blaming her for my anxious state.

When we take responsibility for ourselves, we recognize our power and control. We recognize the freedom of choice.

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Freedom of thought, freedom from thought

You are not your thoughts. How many times have we heard this? But do we really understand it, most importantly do we understand the message it gives us.

That is that we have freedom from thought, if we are not our minds then we are free from it’s negative thinking.

My intention for this blog has always been to bring awareness to people, in hope that you become aware of your thoughts and how they create your reality.

We don’t choose what thoughts pop into our minds most of the time, but we do have a choice on how to perceive those thoughts. That choice only comes once you know and you are aware that you can differentiate yourself from the minds thinking.

For example –

Let’s say Lucy who struggles with self-esteem, wants to try for the dance team but doesn’t feel she can because her mind is in a negative spiral, it says things like ‘I’ll let the team-down, I’m not good enough, what if the others just laugh at me..I am a failure.’

Without awareness, Lucy accepts this as the truth. She thinks she is her mind, therefore her thoughts are facts.

If Lucy was to bring her awareness to this negative thinking by pausing the auto-pilot mode that she lives in, she would be able to challenge that thought and realize, its just a negative thought, it’s not the truth.

This is not true. We are not our thoughts, we do not choose them and they’re not the truth. Something negative happens in the past, we take it personally and hold on to that hurt instead of letting it go, then our minds remember and project it into the future and create our new thoughts based on the past experiences, creating more negativity in our lives.

Try body scanning, or a stillness meditation, observe what thoughts come up or what feelings and sensations that you experience in your body.. then recognize that you are the observer. You are not the thought, you are the one watching it.

‘What a liberation to realize that “the voice in my head” is not who I am. Who am I then? The one who sees that.’  – Eckhart.Tolle

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Get to know who you really are and accept all that you discover

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Our thoughts – Foreground and Background

This week I began a mindfulness training and something the teacher said really stuck with me.

My last post was about accepting ourselves on a whole, without rejecting the uncomfortable or shameful parts. Accepting ourselves for all that arises within us, that including the negative.

Resisting or fighting negativity only focuses on it and creates more – as we know what we focus on grows.

And so, my teacher said whilst we began a meditation – notice you will have background noise, but bring your attention to whatever you want to focus on, let that be in the foreground.

So for example, we had bin lorries beeping in the background of our minds but our attention was to focus on the leg (in a body scan mediation). Therefore the leg being in the foreground of the mind.

Occasionally during meditation, our attention will wonder and the main focus will drift into the background and something else will replace in the foreground (focus).. until we become aware that we have drifted and we pull it back.

This is what struck me. Isn’t it the same with everything in life? Sometimes we are focused on the positive but the negative is just in the background and sometimes negativity will arise and become the focus, yet positivty remains in the background, it’s just waiting for us to pull it back to the foreground again to be our main focus.

Also about accepting it as a whole, accepting that our mind’s do drift from thought to thought instead of being constantly focused on the meditation.. and that’s perfectly ok.

Let’s be kind to ourselves and smile whenever the background shifts to the foreground or we lose focus. Let’s smile and accept that it happens. Lets remind ourselves, We are human and doing our best 🙂

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Accepting when negativity arises within us

Complete acceptance for that of which we are.

Wouldn’t that be incredible?

I used to think after all the self-study, observation and reflecting I do, surely I accept myself for who I am now? And yes in a sense I do, I honour my thoughts and feelings and make time to really listen to myself and try putting myself first.

Boy, it takes up a lot of time and energy to do so much self work but ITS WORTH IT. I have never felt so at peace with myself and content with life, even when I have the not so good days. I have discovered who I am (Yes I know it sounds cheesy, but im sorry, its true. People feel lost and its all about going on a journey to find yourself.)

So.. I’ve discovered and continue to learn about who I am but do I have complete acceptance? The answer I discovered this week.. not quite

Through mindfulness practise I discovered feelings of stress and anxiety, aka negative feelings. My mind got annoyed that I was experiencing this negativity so I ended up fighting it, resisting that it was happening and trying to shove it back to wherever it came from. Complete non-acceptance of what I was experiencing in the present moment, not accepting that negative emotions do arise within me once in a while! So basically beating myself up in a way, saying ‘this negativity is not acceptable so get out, i don’t accept you, why are you feeling like this.’

Acceptance is about embracing yourself as a whole, all aspects of yourself, without rejecting the uncomfortable and shameful parts.

I could pretend that I am positive all the time and a negative thought never crosses my mind, but would that be me? Nope, it’d just be pretense, a false self.

We are perfectly imperfect. We have positive and negative thoughts, resistance only makes them grow, acceptance is showing yourself love and kindness. Don’t beat yourself up over a negative emotion, be aware of it and be curious as to why it has arisen and then smile and accept. Accept yourself exactly as you are.

Affirmation of the upcoming week –

* I accept myself and all which arises within me, completely in this present moment *

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Finding Balance in your life

Finding balance can be difficult, especially as we have so many different areas of our lives to balance.

Creating this equal balance in our lives takes time and effort to tune in with ourselves, to listen to gut feeling and intuition, to know if we are doing too much or could push ourselves to do more.

Its about experimenting and learning about yourself. Learning to trust your body, it takes great care of you and will always let you know if something is wrong and therefore out of balance. This is why it’s so important to be present and take time daily to tune-in with yourself.

People often run around all day, busy or stressed, rushing from one place to another. They probably get symptoms of illness way before they stop and realize, by this time the body is screaming. Where as if you take time daily to listen you will notice even minor symptoms and therefore be able to prevent it getting worse.

If you find yourself constantly tired or ill with lethargic symptoms, cold, flu’s, sickness bugs or digestive problems.. consider why that is.

A few years ago I had a cold every other week. I kept complaining but once i’d get better I went back to normal and the next week I’d be sick again. I never thought about getting to the root of the problem and trying to prevent illness. It turned out I was supressing emotions, living with a unhealthy diet, not enough sleep or too much, drinking a lot of alcohol and spending no time alone. I had completely lost balance of many areas in life, this resulted in feeling lost and constantly run down and lethargic.

Balance is they key to a healthy life. Make time for yourself, only you can figure out a balance for your mind, body and soul. You have to truly listen to you as all our bodies are unique to us

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