wherethesunisalwayshining

sprinkling positivity

The ripple effect, how our actions affect other people.

We are all the same, underneath the outer layers we all have feelings, emotions. The things that block us from viewing it is that were driven by fear.

People who judge and criticise behave unconsciously, they’re unaware of the damage. This is why becoming conscious and aware of our thoughts, words and actions is so important. Everything we do has a ripple affect on other people.

Have you ever said something horrible to someone? I’m guessing so. Did you ever notice how it made you feel? I’m guessing not good. When we say something horrible to someone it’s not us, it’s our ego taking over and usually coming from a place of fear, anger or sadness.

For example in high school I remember a girl who loved drama, confrontation and starting arguements. She enjoyed picking on me and I never understood why. One day I was so fed up and in the end I called her fat. She didn’t actually respond to me and so I felt like I’d won. My ego felt superior, I’d had the last word. Yet inside I knew that’s not how I wanted to behave, I didn’t enjoy calling people names – nobody does. That name calling came from a place of anger. Yet I will never know how it affected that person, I will never know wether that name calling still rings in her memory. The same as she will never know how I remember her shouting and name calling rings in my mind. We both let our egos take over and rip chunks into each other with name calling and arguing.

This is all too common. If I would’ve listened to my soul, and been mindful I would have dealt with the situation very differently. I would see that the girl had much pain, something troubling her in life that she seemed drama and attention. She obviously felt she needed reaction, good or bad. If I would’ve seen this at the time I would have responded differently instead of reacting.

Hence why we build up guards around ourselves, become closed off to other humans, afraid to show who we truly are.

If we are open, we are vulnerable and risk being hurt by others who are unconscious. Yet if we are aware that their hurtful words or actions are exactly that – unconscious. Then we have a chance of putting a stop to reaction and ego taking over.

Hurtful actions and comments stay in our memories for years, hence why it’s imperative that we bring awareness to ourselves. Everything we do and say to people has an effect on them, we never know to some extent. We must stop acting unconsciously towards others, causing harm because of we let our ego take over just in a fleeting moment you can’t undo those horrible words or horrible actions. We can only apologise.

The other side to being aware and conscious of your thoughts and actions is that when you are personally attacked by someone – you can choose to diminish their comment or action. You can become aware that they are suffering and that is the only reason why they’re behaving this way toward you. No happy person who is conscious goes around verbally abusing people.

We are all divine souls, only our ego separates us.

For example a woman once had a go at me, I was in the wrong slightly but she made it a big drama and was so angry, the tone of voice etc was not very nice. I used my awareness and could see she was troubled with something so I didn’t react or argue back. I apologised and instead talked with her as a friend would.

In a different situation someone would feel personally attacked and get angry, the ego doesn’t like to be blamed and so you would react and shout back. This would only lead to hurtful comments and cause harm to each other.. No resolving.

Then hurtful comments stay with people and they carry them for the rest of their lives.

Next time think when you’re going to criticise someone, comment on their looks or the way they are. It’s all too easy to judge and criticise when we don’t know what someone’s going through.

The only reason we can know what someone’s going through is if they’re open and honest with us – the only way we can achieve that is through less judgment and criticism in the world so people don’t let fear keep them closed up and guarded.

We are not robots, we are alive and we have feelings. We are all divine souls deep down, sometime we unconsciously let the ego take over us and that’s ok, don’t beat yourself up, become aware of it and observe how it makes you feel. The other day I made fun of someone being different and called her weird behind her back, who am I to do that? It doesn’t make me a better person, it made me feel horrible, I don’t know what she’s going through in life, my quick judgement will only prevent me from getting to know her and she is probably a lovely person. Judgment and criticism only separates us, prevents us from bonding and sharing.

Next time you find yourself judging someone or criticising them, have a think. Become aware. Be conscious to your words and actions to yourself and others. Be open and honest and expect the same in return. Try to respond instead of react to other people’s egos.

Be the change you want to see in the world 🙂

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Becoming aware of who you are not

In the past I have posted many posts about being and also about when the ego over rules being, we mistake ourselves for being the ego, being our thoughts, being someone were not.

I consider myself to be learning every day and I admit my ego takes over me as I become unconscious sometimes, we all do it. Some people live their entire life ruled by their thoughts and ego, others study themselves every day and so this becomes less likely. If you find you’ve tried being aware of your mind and you just can’t, don’t give up, like everything it’s something to be learnt and you need practise and patience.

I have been practising for around 6 months and reading books, discussing personal growth with like-minded people for advice etc. I still have a long way to go, but please don’t beat yourselves up either if you become aware of yourself and don’t like what you’re doing, saying, acting etc. It’s a part of the journey. Perhaps you can become aware of yourself as you’re being horrible to someone, you then think I’m a horrible person – no you’re not. You where simply unconscious and unaware of your actions. That is ok because you became aware and you now have something to work with.

The past few days I looked back each night to write in my journal and realised I had been acting out of character. I had let my ego take over at some points of the day – how I became aware of this?

I thought back to when I hung out with people I barely knew, they where swearing a lot and using words I wouldn’t normally use. I picked up that whilst conversing with them, to fit in, I had also picked up swearing and a different time of language. This wasn’t what I was like normally, it was just my ego taking over and wanting to be part of the crowd. Somewhere my ego kicked in because these people made me feel like I wouldn’t be accepted as my true self. And then I question why I would hang out with people who don’t accept my true self?

The thing is also – I judged them and assumed they wouldn’t accept me for me, – a normal backpackers who doesn’t take drugs daily, swear often or hang out with strangers. So the only way I can clear it up is if I go hang out with them and be myself, be open to judgement and rejection. Otherwise am I really hanging out with these people? Because I’m not being myself, I’m playing a role of my ego.

It’s very easy to get caught up in playing a role of your ego. I became aware once I’d said a few words I wouldn’t normally in our conversation, my mind was asking why are you behaving like this? It sounds crazy hey?

Yet we all do it. We all play roles in our egos. We act like different people. This is because we’re scared of being ourselves, fear of not being accepted and instead rejection and judgement. It can go either way but the most important thing is to be true to ourselves and then we will attract the right people who do accept us as we are.

We have nothing to prove. We have nothing to beat ourselves up about when this awareness does rise – it’s a lesson, a blessing to show us where we can improve and work on ourselves.

If you struggle at all with becoming aware of your thoughts, actions and behaviour and try to differentiate yourself with your ego, try writing a journal. A personal journal just for yourself where you can look back on your day and think – did I like the way I spoke to that person, where my actions in that situation how I wanted them to be, did I behave like myself around those group of cool teenagers or was I trying to impress them by doing things I wouldn’t normally.

Writing all of this down is like free- therapy for yourself. The mind is a busy place and sometimes writing it all down can be a great feeling, just give it a try 🙂 it doesn’t have to be a daily occurrence, do whatever suits you.

Let me know what you think

Remember, the sun is always shining 🙂

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