wherethesunisalwayshining

sprinkling positivity

Why we yearn for love

As a teenager i used to yearn for love..I felt if only I had a partner, then I would be complete. I would have someone to be mine. Someone to accept me as I am, and to then love me.. what an incredible feeling to just have someone to share your life with..

I know i’m not the only one who had these thoughts, dreams, illusions..

I still have those thoughts some days.. I wonder to myself, wouldnt it be nice to share my adventures and stories with someone. The truth is I am a hopeless romantic, I think perhaps I love the idea of love, more than love itself.

Now when I have those days, I realize I am exactly what I need and if I’m yearning for love then its yearning for more from myself, from within.

I dont need anyone to be mine, I have myself. I dont need to belong to anyone else, I belong to myself.

Someone told me once – We’re always longing for someone to hold our hand when we have another one right in front of us. God made us perfect, complete, whole.. he gave us two hands for us to hold our own.

When I have thoughts recurring over love and seeking it outside, I question what do I want from those thoughts.. what are they telling me that I need to give to myself.

Sometimes its a hug.. sometimes its a foot massage.. sometimes its a few compassionate kind words.

Whatever it is, that aching, that craving and wanting.. its coming from you, for you.

It’s easy to get caught up in wanting to be desired, accepted, loved.. it makes us feel valued. But what happens when that gets taken away from us.. do we suddenly become worthless?

If we value ourselves, we no longer feel the need for other to value us.

Love is a beautiful thing, to experience in all its glory and truth, we must first love ourselves.. Otherwise we simply desire to be desired. love to be valued. Love to be made to feel better about ourselves.. that’s not what love is.

Loving and valuing ourselves takes effort, patience, compassion, kindness. It takes dedication and work, it takes unveiling all the masks, undoing, getting to know whats underneath.. confronting.

People say love yourself first before you can love another. I get it. Its all beginning to make sense to me. Now I’m simply on that path to really feeling.. and yes it takes a whole lotta patience, compassion and kindness. But I feel my heart slowly cracking open, its not happening overnight but i slowly feel my walls breaking down. I know it in my mind and I am beginning to feel it in my heart but I am working on feeling it fiercly, passionately and lovingly.. like the person that I am.

I hope this post makes you think about your desires.. what you long for.. what love means to you.. what you want from others that you could give yourself?

It all starts from within.. people say that all the time. now lets all go on a journey together and explore what that means..

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Working 9-5 what a way to make a living…

Why is it that we buy into the 9-5 working way of living…

As 5 year olds in school we have great dreams of becoming astronauts, ballet dancers, actors and so on.. So why is it that we lose this drive, this passion to fulfill our ambitions.

Of course as we grow older our passions might change but even then we find ourselves settling for things on a much smaller scale because we no longer believe our dreams are achievable.

Growing up, we are surrounded in a society that has been set in a trap, we’re programmed with limiting beliefs that do not serve us, that ‘real’ life is hard and that dreams are just dreams.

From a young age in school we are taught that we are dumb or stupid if we don’t pass the exams they set us, even though we are all different with various IQ and emotional intelligence. Slowly our dreams floats away.. we are told we have to be realistic and not live in a fantasy land.

The truth is we are being tricked out of our lives. We leave school with a lot of fear, confusion, self-doubt and insecurities, mostly from comparison to others because we are expected all to do the same things and then compare ourselves for not being the same.

In my opinion, it’s all intentional, so that with these insecurities we can work for the system.

By working for the system I mean spending the majority of our life working to earn money, just so we can then give it back to the system by buying a big house, a nice car and the latest gadgets and materialistic things.

The marketing world makes us believe that by purchasing the latest gadgets, going on exotic holidays and owning a flash car – it will make us happy and prove our success.

We have bought into the statement that ‘Money buys happiness’. With the insecurities we have from leaving school. we have something great to prove so when we earn money, we want to buy things to prove our success, to ourselves and others. We want to own the latest gadget or newest car.. not really for ourselves but for what others will think of us.

That comes from that insecurity that was ingrained within from a young age. We constantly want more, because the marketing world will always bring new things into creation and to want to keep proving our success, we will always be buying more. We will never feel fulfilled with what we have, not whilst someone else has more than us.

And so we become slaves to the system.. spending fifty years of our lives working for money, just to spend it back on materialistic things that actually only bring us short-term happiness, so that we have to go back to working the long hours just to buy the next big thing.. a continuous cycle of dis-contentment and unfulfillement.

We are lucky to then have our health after we retire, all these things but our lives have passed us by.. Or many have a mid-life crisis from recognizing their deep unhappiness from being alive but not really living. More so, nowadays mental illnesses are on the rise within young adults from the self-doubt, fear of the future and simply feeling lost.

I ask you to question whatever your doing, question your intentions and what you really want out of your life.

Perhaps you say you want a lot of money, why? We all want to be comfortable but there is no need for greed.

Imagine if you worked your own hours, doing something you dream about and serves your passion.. that would bring you fulfillment, time spent working would be more like doing a hobby and you would have spare time to do things for yourself or your family. All you need is self-belief that you can actually create any kind of life that you want, know that any limiting beleifs that you cannot do that, are not real. Recognize the potential within yourself, within all of us.

We are the creators of our lives, its time we began to live up to it.

Follow your dreams and unleash your power

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Tuning in with your thoughts

Thoughts.. We have so many running in and out of our minds on auto-pilot that we aren’t even aware of most of them..

We have variations of thoughts, some pop up completely random, some we think regularly (like lists of things to do), some are memories from the past and some are illusions of the future.

Most of the time we don’t even know because we aren’t even aware of our thoughts, they’re running in and out without a pause to observe or contemplation.

With awareness and observation of your thoughts you get to know yourself better and can make significant changes to improve your life..

  • Taking notice of the voice/tone you speak to yourself in.

We all have a critique up there in the mind, bringing awareness to how we speak to ourselves can be shocking for some people. Also bringing awareness to the tone.Let’s say you’re answering a question in front of a class and getting the answer wrong, the critique within might pipe up and say ‘ well done stupid, you just made yourself look like a right idiot.’ Noticing how you speak to yourself is crucial as it can be really damaging for your self-esteem and confidence.

  • Noticing if you honour yourself and listen to yourself,

Bringing awareness to your thoughts can help you tune in and listen to yourself. Let’s say you’re really tired and run down, all you want is an early night in, then work calls and asks you to work a shift and before you even know it you’ve said yes. Inside you’re screaming no and can’t think of anything worse, but you felt compelled to say yes to please others, to make others happy even if that means you suffer. That is not giving yourself the love and care you deserve.

  • Noticing how you interact with others, are you judgemental/critical?

We all fear judgement from others, that is why we do what others expect from us. We care about what others think of us, whether they know us or not. Bring awareness to your thoughts and you will notice the judgements and labels you put on people just from their appearance or actions. You may decide you don’t like your mum’s new boyfriend because the first time you meet him he is very quiet and appears rude by not making an effort. This would be your judgement, probably without considering how he would be feeling, perhaps scared,nervous or overwhelmed. Usually through judging others we make assumptions which aren’t accurate and lose the chance of connection and new relationships.

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Freedom of thought, freedom from thought

You are not your thoughts. How many times have we heard this? But do we really understand it, most importantly do we understand the message it gives us.

That is that we have freedom from thought, if we are not our minds then we are free from it’s negative thinking.

My intention for this blog has always been to bring awareness to people, in hope that you become aware of your thoughts and how they create your reality.

We don’t choose what thoughts pop into our minds most of the time, but we do have a choice on how to perceive those thoughts. That choice only comes once you know and you are aware that you can differentiate yourself from the minds thinking.

For example –

Let’s say Lucy who struggles with self-esteem, wants to try for the dance team but doesn’t feel she can because her mind is in a negative spiral, it says things like ‘I’ll let the team-down, I’m not good enough, what if the others just laugh at me..I am a failure.’

Without awareness, Lucy accepts this as the truth. She thinks she is her mind, therefore her thoughts are facts.

If Lucy was to bring her awareness to this negative thinking by pausing the auto-pilot mode that she lives in, she would be able to challenge that thought and realize, its just a negative thought, it’s not the truth.

This is not true. We are not our thoughts, we do not choose them and they’re not the truth. Something negative happens in the past, we take it personally and hold on to that hurt instead of letting it go, then our minds remember and project it into the future and create our new thoughts based on the past experiences, creating more negativity in our lives.

Try body scanning, or a stillness meditation, observe what thoughts come up or what feelings and sensations that you experience in your body.. then recognize that you are the observer. You are not the thought, you are the one watching it.

‘What a liberation to realize that “the voice in my head” is not who I am. Who am I then? The one who sees that.’  – Eckhart.Tolle

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Our thoughts – Foreground and Background

This week I began a mindfulness training and something the teacher said really stuck with me.

My last post was about accepting ourselves on a whole, without rejecting the uncomfortable or shameful parts. Accepting ourselves for all that arises within us, that including the negative.

Resisting or fighting negativity only focuses on it and creates more – as we know what we focus on grows.

And so, my teacher said whilst we began a meditation – notice you will have background noise, but bring your attention to whatever you want to focus on, let that be in the foreground.

So for example, we had bin lorries beeping in the background of our minds but our attention was to focus on the leg (in a body scan mediation). Therefore the leg being in the foreground of the mind.

Occasionally during meditation, our attention will wonder and the main focus will drift into the background and something else will replace in the foreground (focus).. until we become aware that we have drifted and we pull it back.

This is what struck me. Isn’t it the same with everything in life? Sometimes we are focused on the positive but the negative is just in the background and sometimes negativity will arise and become the focus, yet positivty remains in the background, it’s just waiting for us to pull it back to the foreground again to be our main focus.

Also about accepting it as a whole, accepting that our mind’s do drift from thought to thought instead of being constantly focused on the meditation.. and that’s perfectly ok.

Let’s be kind to ourselves and smile whenever the background shifts to the foreground or we lose focus. Let’s smile and accept that it happens. Lets remind ourselves, We are human and doing our best 🙂

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Accepting when negativity arises within us

Complete acceptance for that of which we are.

Wouldn’t that be incredible?

I used to think after all the self-study, observation and reflecting I do, surely I accept myself for who I am now? And yes in a sense I do, I honour my thoughts and feelings and make time to really listen to myself and try putting myself first.

Boy, it takes up a lot of time and energy to do so much self work but ITS WORTH IT. I have never felt so at peace with myself and content with life, even when I have the not so good days. I have discovered who I am (Yes I know it sounds cheesy, but im sorry, its true. People feel lost and its all about going on a journey to find yourself.)

So.. I’ve discovered and continue to learn about who I am but do I have complete acceptance? The answer I discovered this week.. not quite

Through mindfulness practise I discovered feelings of stress and anxiety, aka negative feelings. My mind got annoyed that I was experiencing this negativity so I ended up fighting it, resisting that it was happening and trying to shove it back to wherever it came from. Complete non-acceptance of what I was experiencing in the present moment, not accepting that negative emotions do arise within me once in a while! So basically beating myself up in a way, saying ‘this negativity is not acceptable so get out, i don’t accept you, why are you feeling like this.’

Acceptance is about embracing yourself as a whole, all aspects of yourself, without rejecting the uncomfortable and shameful parts.

I could pretend that I am positive all the time and a negative thought never crosses my mind, but would that be me? Nope, it’d just be pretense, a false self.

We are perfectly imperfect. We have positive and negative thoughts, resistance only makes them grow, acceptance is showing yourself love and kindness. Don’t beat yourself up over a negative emotion, be aware of it and be curious as to why it has arisen and then smile and accept. Accept yourself exactly as you are.

Affirmation of the upcoming week –

* I accept myself and all which arises within me, completely in this present moment *

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Finding Balance in your life

Finding balance can be difficult, especially as we have so many different areas of our lives to balance.

Creating this equal balance in our lives takes time and effort to tune in with ourselves, to listen to gut feeling and intuition, to know if we are doing too much or could push ourselves to do more.

Its about experimenting and learning about yourself. Learning to trust your body, it takes great care of you and will always let you know if something is wrong and therefore out of balance. This is why it’s so important to be present and take time daily to tune-in with yourself.

People often run around all day, busy or stressed, rushing from one place to another. They probably get symptoms of illness way before they stop and realize, by this time the body is screaming. Where as if you take time daily to listen you will notice even minor symptoms and therefore be able to prevent it getting worse.

If you find yourself constantly tired or ill with lethargic symptoms, cold, flu’s, sickness bugs or digestive problems.. consider why that is.

A few years ago I had a cold every other week. I kept complaining but once i’d get better I went back to normal and the next week I’d be sick again. I never thought about getting to the root of the problem and trying to prevent illness. It turned out I was supressing emotions, living with a unhealthy diet, not enough sleep or too much, drinking a lot of alcohol and spending no time alone. I had completely lost balance of many areas in life, this resulted in feeling lost and constantly run down and lethargic.

Balance is they key to a healthy life. Make time for yourself, only you can figure out a balance for your mind, body and soul. You have to truly listen to you as all our bodies are unique to us

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Take a little time out for yourself daily

I have been practising self-observation, personal growth and development over 6 months now and so I have come to recognize when I am out of touch with myself. Disconnected.

The funny thing is, I am beginning to observe these times also, proving very interesting.

The past two weeks I was in a new environment, attempting to settle in and get used to my surroundings and keeping busy, dismissing my usual personal practises.

The interesting thing was, the less I practised yoga, reading and writing to myself in notes or my journal – the more I was seeking outside, through facebook, looking up pointless things on the internet to pass time.

I actually had a very odd feeling within myself, like a gap. A feeling of disconnected, I wasnt giving the mind and body the time and attention it needed to observe and sort out my thoughts and feelings.

Essentially neglecting myself, seeking fulfillment from outside, procrastinating on facebook and not achieving anything with my time. It’s funny how easily we can fall into a habit of doing so and without even the awareness.

I feel a much happier, less anxious person when I am being productive with my time, making time for myself and limiting my use of internet, social media and phone contact. It takes effort, motivation, self-discipline and awareness to cut out the latter or limit technology usage, set aside time for ourselves, to be on our own and listen to ourselves.

Listening to ourselves is an act of kindness and love, please don’t neglect yourself. Dedicate time out of your day to look after your mental and physical wellbeing. As you would for exercise, take time out to observe how you feel, take five minutes to do a breathing exercise, write down your thoughts.

Re-connect with yourself. You will find yourself feeling happier and connecting with all aspects of life in a positive way.

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Are you creating happiness or suffering for yourself?

Most of us hate the thought that we suffer because of our own thoughts or that we create unhappiness for ourselves. We want to blame someone else or other people’s actions or life situations for causing these negative emotions within us. But does that change or transform them? No, it’s just not accepting responsibility.

Im writing this post because I want us all to understand we are responsible for our happiness and for our suffering, when you understand that then you understand you have control over your thoughts and emotions and they don’t control you. Therefore you have the power and control over your happiness and suffering. You choose how to look at things and that’s what decides whether you are sad or happy.

And you may ask how? Whenever you’re sad or suffering in any form whether it’s anger, frustration, depression – question yourself -‘what thoughts am I thinking about myself and others?’ Because everything comes from thought. Thoughts manifest our reality and create our lives because a thought comes through in our words, actions and feelings.

Feelings of anger or resistance may arise within you from what I have just said, that’s not you that’s just the ego that’s inside each and every one of us. Put your ego aside and try it. Go through that feeling of resistance..

For example let’s say you are suffering because you’re feeling like the odd one out in your group of friends, perhaps you feel like you’re not as attractive, you don’t enjoy the same hobbies as them and you feel like they all know what they want in life because they’re smart and you have no idea and feel dumb. Think how those thoughts may be affecting your life. They are full of negativity, putting yourself down, comparing yourself to others and putting pressure on you.

So now you have awareness you would be able to identify these negative thoughts about the situation that makes you unhappy – great! Now you can change that because you have control over your thoughts. To turn it into a positive perspective, recognize that comparison is the thief of joy, there is no point comparing your beauty to another as we are all unique, there’s no one else on the planet like you and that is beautiful in itself. Focusing on what we do like about ourselves creates happy thoughts , whilst for example – perhaps wishing you had darker skin or bigger hips When in reality you are pale and slim, will only cause suffering because that’s not your body, it’s resisting what you are. show love for what you are and embrace it instead of trying to be something you’re not. Embracing our natural beauty is much easier than resisting and trying to change it!

we all have unique paths and different journeys, there is no smart and dumb because we all excel at different things and we’re all lacking in other things, sometimes it takes longer to find out what we excel in but isn’t that exciting, knowing there’s something out there to discover and be great at, you just have to experiment and try new things which is wonderful anyway.

You see everything changes when you change your perspective on things.

you decide whether you bring yourself suffering or joy.

i understand sometimes it’s difficult to see the other way of thinking if you’re too caught up in it, so perhaps ask a friend or write it down. Ask me and il happily try to find a positive outlook on a situation for you.

remember to take time out to think to yourself -what thoughts am I thinking that is creating this suffering or this happiness? Either is good to observe!

the sun is always shining 🙂

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theres a difference between being selfish and looking after yourself

In our society we have been taught that were selfish if we do as we please, put ourselves first and make ourselves happy before someone else. This is not reality, it’s a misconception to believe that other people are responsible for our happiness, and we are responsible for theirs. We are neglecting ourselves if we say yes to something when inside were shouting no. We aren’t being kind to ourselves if we stay unhappy just because we know we’re making someone else happy. We have this inner voice and feelings as a sign to show what we want in life, it’s there for a reason so listen to it.

it would be selfish for someone to ask you not to put yourself first.

A paragraph from the secret –

Unless you fill yourself up with love first, you have nothing to give to anybody. Therefore it is imperative to tend to you first. Attend to your joy first. People are responsible for their own joy. When you tend to your joy and do what makes you feel good, you are a joy to be around and you are a shining example to every child and every person in your life. When you are feeling joy you don’t even have to think about giving. It is a natural over flow.

lets show an example –

lets say and old man asks you to do his washing for him, of course you want to help and be kind do you probably would. Then it becomes a routine and you end up doing it weekly. Then life starts to become hectic and you have many other things going on and you’re stressed trying to keep everyone happy. You feel it would be selfish to stop doing the old mans washing but inside you really don’t want to do it anymore as it’s just another thing on the long list. In truth it would be selfish for the old man to continue expecting this from you if he knew everything else you had going on.

Listen to yourself, be honest in a situation and know you have to put yourself first which sometimes means saying no to things that make others happy but yourself unhappy, sick or stressed.

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