wherethesunisalwayshining

sprinkling positivity

Sometimes I am afraid to be myself.

Sometimes, I am afraid to be myself.

I am afraid to say what I really feel, to disagree with someone’s opinion, to stand up for what I believe in and to share my passion.

I feel a deep fire burning inside me that is almost like an itch.

It wants to dance but I allow it to dim from the shadows of a mask

I try to hide parts of myself that I am scared people won’t accept. Where does that unacceptance come from? I don’t accept it myself or I make assumptions about other people.

No matter how many times I cast a grey smog of smoke over my fire.. it stays lit, changing in different intensities at different moments.

Moments of intense pure joy come from sharing all of me with others, allowing my fire to dance as flames do.

Awareness brings a new moment, to constantly remind myself to be true. To me and to you.

Sharing is such a big part of my life now, sharing the journey of life with one another. connecting. learning. discovering.

So I finish with an intention to – accept me for me, and you for you.

 

 

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Freedom of thought, freedom from thought

You are not your thoughts. How many times have we heard this? But do we really understand it, most importantly do we understand the message it gives us.

That is that we have freedom from thought, if we are not our minds then we are free from it’s negative thinking.

My intention for this blog has always been to bring awareness to people, in hope that you become aware of your thoughts and how they create your reality.

We don’t choose what thoughts pop into our minds most of the time, but we do have a choice on how to perceive those thoughts. That choice only comes once you know and you are aware that you can differentiate yourself from the minds thinking.

For example –

Let’s say Lucy who struggles with self-esteem, wants to try for the dance team but doesn’t feel she can because her mind is in a negative spiral, it says things like ‘I’ll let the team-down, I’m not good enough, what if the others just laugh at me..I am a failure.’

Without awareness, Lucy accepts this as the truth. She thinks she is her mind, therefore her thoughts are facts.

If Lucy was to bring her awareness to this negative thinking by pausing the auto-pilot mode that she lives in, she would be able to challenge that thought and realize, its just a negative thought, it’s not the truth.

This is not true. We are not our thoughts, we do not choose them and they’re not the truth. Something negative happens in the past, we take it personally and hold on to that hurt instead of letting it go, then our minds remember and project it into the future and create our new thoughts based on the past experiences, creating more negativity in our lives.

Try body scanning, or a stillness meditation, observe what thoughts come up or what feelings and sensations that you experience in your body.. then recognize that you are the observer. You are not the thought, you are the one watching it.

‘What a liberation to realize that “the voice in my head” is not who I am. Who am I then? The one who sees that.’  – Eckhart.Tolle

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De-attachment to illness, focus your energy on healing

When suffering from an illness that requires a lot of attention, many of us tend to do the wrong thing and focus all our energy on it. We let it become a big part of our lives and eventually it begins to take over our lives. We let our illness define us as people and form an attachment if you like. Perhaps this is why it takes so long for people to fully recover and heal?

The mind and body are connected, and what we focus on grows. People who are suffering from an illness or are recovering will be sure of telling you at some point about it because it’s a big part of their life. They make it a part of who they are now. If you become attached to the illness and make it ‘yours,’ then how are you going to let it go and get better?

The ego will not enjoy reading this truth, I know because I have experienced it myself. It is not to say you’re not suffering from an illness, but by making ‘your’ illness a part of who you are then, you are letting it define you as a person, you’re letting your ego latch on to the illness and the story of what it has made you become. I use myself for an example because I have become aware of my own egos doing so.

Having an illness gives us a voice, something we can talk about ‘me and my story’. How much we have suffered, how much we have conquered, how much we have been through… This is all work of the ego. We don’t need to prove ourselves to anyone, we don’t need to attach ourselves to something we have or are going through. We know we have suffered, we know we have the power to conquer – only the ego wants to prove this to people and share ‘my story’.

Some people refuse to believe they can get better because subconsciously staying sick is easier. The ego had a stronger sense of self, it doesn’t want to let go.

It may sound harsh to some, I read it myself and my ego feels hurt and deflated. Yet I sense the truth in what I write.

How will I recover if I constantly define myself, who I am and who I have become from my illness? It is still allowing that illness to live through me; it is still an attachment and proof. Yet, I have no one to prove myself to, and neither do you.

If you are suffering from an illness, try focusing your energy on healing instead of feeling like a victim. Look within yourself for answers, become aware of your thoughts: do you look for sympathy, do you feel self-pity or victimized?

I found myself to think my illness was a safe place, whilst recovering I didn’t have to think about my future, I had an excuse, I was ill. If I’d remained in that mindset, I would probably still be exactly where I was a year ago. Stuck. Scared. You see, once we become attached to our illness, it becomes a safety blanket for us.It means we don’t have to focus on the real problems because we can’t cope with them because we’re sick.

If we focus our energy more towards what we can do instead of what we can’t, that’s the first step. Accepting change and letting go, going into the unknown. Next time you feel yourself about to share your illness or story with someone, refrain and see how it feels. Try dropping your illness, it is not who you are. You’re a strong, special person without it and you have nothing to prove to anyone.

Mindfully let it go and see what happens.

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Lose yourself to find yourself 

many people struggle with the feeling of losing themselves, not knowing who they are or finding who they are. If you consider yourself as one of these people, see it in a positive light. How can you find yourself if you weren’t to lose yourself in the first place? 

Here’s a paragraph from eckhart tolle’s book, A new earth: 

‘To the ego it will seem as if you were losing yourself, but the opposite is the case. Your ego is a form-identity, as your ego becomes less, you become more. If you are alert enough, you may be able to detect some of these unconscious patterns within yourself; 

Demanding recognition for something you did and getting angry or upset if you don’t get it. Trying to get attention by talking about your problems, the story of your illnesses, or making a scene. Giving your opinion when nobody asked for it and it makes no difference to the situation. Trying to make an impression on others through possessions, knowledge, good looks etc. Taking things personally, feeling offended, making yourself right and others wrong. 

Once you have detected such a pattern within yourself, I suggest you conduct an experiment. Find out what it feels like and what happens if you let go of that pattern. Just drop it and see what happens. 

De-emphasising who you are on the level of form is another way of generating consciousness. Discover the enormous power that flows through you into the world when you stop emphasising your ego, your form identity. ‘

I think this is a great paragraph for us all as I’m sure we can all find some truth within ourselves and those behavious. For some, reading that might make you feel angry, or your ego angry I should say. There’s so much truth in those words, it take guts to accept that truth within yourself. By becoming aware of that truth, you have the awareness to change and grow. 

We can only change things we don’t like once we become aware and accept our ego’s behaviour. Only when your ego feels small will you be able to grow as your true self. 

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Everything that irritates us in others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves

Everything that irritates us in others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.

What do you think this means?

Do you ever think about why you get annoyed with people? Why that habit they have irritates you or the way they act or behave.

I read this quote a while ago and always tried figuring out where I could be behaving in the same way as the behaviour of others annoyed me.

I had a huge revelation whilst writing in my journal the other day. I was thinking about how I thought a guy I met had been special, yet I was open to meeting more special people in the future. However I didn’t like the thought of this one special guy wanting to go on and meet other special girls – I liked the thought of me being the only special girl, otherwise My mind said I wasn’t special at all.

You can imagine the confusion in my mind because to me I could meet several special people, all different and special to me. Yet if the tables where turned and the special guy met new special girls, my mind would say that I wasn’t special to him at all. It didn’t count the same for him that he could meet several special girls all different and special in each way to him. It woke me up to the fact that sometimes I think a situation is different before I even consider how I would act if I was in the other persons shoes?

Have you ever been the victim to someone treating you badly in a relationship or friendship? Perhaps your friend bailed on you to hang out with her new boyfriend, perhaps your boyfriend flirted with his ex.. Things that are bound to annoy you, things that make you question your relationship/friendship. Yet you may never question your love for your friend/partner of you where to bail on them or flirt with your ex. You don’t see it as anything wrong because you know you love your friend/ partner.. Yet they see your behaviour and feel unloved.

Usually we find it hard to recognize our own faults, me very much included. Sometimes others help us become aware of them , yet other time a good factor is to just look at what annoys us.. We will usually find we’re behaving exactly the same way to the same person or another.

Sometimes we need to think outside our bubble and take a step to look at our actions, how would we feel in the other persons shoes. Usually we can resolve whatever annoys us because we find it within ourselves too.

Have a think, write down people/things/behaviours/actions that annoy you and see if you can recognize yourself jn any of them. Be true, honest and open, that’s how you will break through the problem.

Good luck and remember writing a journal is great for figuring stuff out 🙂

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Becoming aware of who you are not

In the past I have posted many posts about being and also about when the ego over rules being, we mistake ourselves for being the ego, being our thoughts, being someone were not.

I consider myself to be learning every day and I admit my ego takes over me as I become unconscious sometimes, we all do it. Some people live their entire life ruled by their thoughts and ego, others study themselves every day and so this becomes less likely. If you find you’ve tried being aware of your mind and you just can’t, don’t give up, like everything it’s something to be learnt and you need practise and patience.

I have been practising for around 6 months and reading books, discussing personal growth with like-minded people for advice etc. I still have a long way to go, but please don’t beat yourselves up either if you become aware of yourself and don’t like what you’re doing, saying, acting etc. It’s a part of the journey. Perhaps you can become aware of yourself as you’re being horrible to someone, you then think I’m a horrible person – no you’re not. You where simply unconscious and unaware of your actions. That is ok because you became aware and you now have something to work with.

The past few days I looked back each night to write in my journal and realised I had been acting out of character. I had let my ego take over at some points of the day – how I became aware of this?

I thought back to when I hung out with people I barely knew, they where swearing a lot and using words I wouldn’t normally use. I picked up that whilst conversing with them, to fit in, I had also picked up swearing and a different time of language. This wasn’t what I was like normally, it was just my ego taking over and wanting to be part of the crowd. Somewhere my ego kicked in because these people made me feel like I wouldn’t be accepted as my true self. And then I question why I would hang out with people who don’t accept my true self?

The thing is also – I judged them and assumed they wouldn’t accept me for me, – a normal backpackers who doesn’t take drugs daily, swear often or hang out with strangers. So the only way I can clear it up is if I go hang out with them and be myself, be open to judgement and rejection. Otherwise am I really hanging out with these people? Because I’m not being myself, I’m playing a role of my ego.

It’s very easy to get caught up in playing a role of your ego. I became aware once I’d said a few words I wouldn’t normally in our conversation, my mind was asking why are you behaving like this? It sounds crazy hey?

Yet we all do it. We all play roles in our egos. We act like different people. This is because we’re scared of being ourselves, fear of not being accepted and instead rejection and judgement. It can go either way but the most important thing is to be true to ourselves and then we will attract the right people who do accept us as we are.

We have nothing to prove. We have nothing to beat ourselves up about when this awareness does rise – it’s a lesson, a blessing to show us where we can improve and work on ourselves.

If you struggle at all with becoming aware of your thoughts, actions and behaviour and try to differentiate yourself with your ego, try writing a journal. A personal journal just for yourself where you can look back on your day and think – did I like the way I spoke to that person, where my actions in that situation how I wanted them to be, did I behave like myself around those group of cool teenagers or was I trying to impress them by doing things I wouldn’t normally.

Writing all of this down is like free- therapy for yourself. The mind is a busy place and sometimes writing it all down can be a great feeling, just give it a try 🙂 it doesn’t have to be a daily occurrence, do whatever suits you.

Let me know what you think

Remember, the sun is always shining 🙂

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Be open and vulnerable to life

I choose to live my life as open, honest and true to myself and others as I can be. I am aware that I am not perfect and probably act unconsciously at some times as I don’t know it all and am still and always will be learning and discovering life.

Yet I know from the last few months onwards, that I will always try my best to be open and honest in situations.

I was thinking today as to what that might mean. Most people are scared and fear being themselves, being open and honest. With being open we reveal ourselves, not everyone will like that , perhaps we ourselves won’t like all that we see. By being open, we take risk. We can end up letting people in and sharing a beautiful connection or we risk being open to rejection.

When I was ill last year I had no feelings, no emotions. I was numb, all the time. I laughed when I felt I was supposed to and acted sad etc when appropriate.. I just know that I didn’t feel anything and it was pretty horrible .

Being open has transformed my life, yes it means I’m vulnerable and people can easily take advantage when I share myself with them. I am open to rejection, judgement and lies.. Yet since I have been true to myself I have experienced very little of the later. Instead I feel confident in knowing who I am ( for the first time in about 10 years) , I connect with people on a deeper level and people either accept me for who I am or move on.

I’m not saying it’s smooth sailing but being able to out yourself out there shows people you’re human. This blog is pretty real and sometimes I question how people will judge me for what I write , then I realise most of you probably have the same negative thoughts as I do about yourselves or situations. When we’re open we can see that we’re all the same deep down behind our human forms – no matter what we look like we all want the same things – happiness, health, love.

Be true to yourself. Be true to others.

You are enough 🙂

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Being honest with yourself and others

I always try my best to be honest. After reading The Four Agreements it just made sense to me, If I want less problems and drama in my life, have open relationships with people and be myself, then I must be honest. It isn’t always easy but I am aware that I feel uncomfortable, uneasy or anxious If I want to say something or feel a certain way but avoid the situation, lie or keep it inside.

The past week I have been moving around Sydney (hence why I haven’t posted in a while, sorry!) In this time quite a few different scenarios have arisen where I’ve needed to be honest, with myself and others. Being honest isn’t always easy though hey? We feel so much better afterwards but sometimes we worry about how it might affect other people if we’re honest with them.

The last week I have experienced the situations where I’ve found it difficult to be honest..

There have been a couple of days where I have wanted to spend time alone to re-coop my thoughts, feelings, emotions and just be me. Do my own thing, be free, suit myself. Yet I’ve made friends at hostels and they’ve wanted to hang out, do stuff together and then assume we will carry on spending every day together. I felt pressure to spend time with a person more and more, as they said ‘what are WE going to do this weekend, tomorrow etc’. I felt trapped and I realised that made me find the situation worse than it probably was, I didn’t enjoy their company and found myself wanting to make excuses to leave them at any chance I could. I realized this behaviour was probably pretty weird for them, and they actually had no idea what was going on with me so they probably assumed I was being rude or something. By not being honest I was hurting that persons feelings, making them paranoid and for myself I was anxious, uneasy and just wanted to be alone.

Then I figured, would the truth really be that bad? We’re all human, we all have the same thoughts and feelings, we all need time on our own sometimes. So in the end I was like, nope Im making a big deal and creating drama and problems by not being honest. So I went and told the guy in the morning (after I realized he’s made me coffee and strawberries, just to make it extra hard), I was just really honest and said, ‘don’t take it personally but Im really tired and drained from meeting so many new people this week and I really just want to spend the day by myself, i hope you understand and that’s ok.’ He said it was a shame but it was all good. I felt better because a huge weight had been lifted, I didn’t have to do something I didn’t feel like doing and the guy probably felt better because at least he knew what was going on and why I was acting a bit strange and distant.

Whenever people are behaving strange, out of the ordinary or in not a very nice way, it usually is nothing to do with you it’s always because they have something going on with themselves and they’re not happy or balanced or being honest.

The world makes so much more sense and we can all be at ease when we’re honest. Although It links hand in hand with not taking things personally. Because if people are honest and we don’t like what they say, it usually means because we take it personally and make it something it isn’t. For example if the guy would’ve taken it personally by thinking ‘ she doesn’t want to hang out with me, what’s wrong with me, why doesn’t she like my company’ etc, he would’ve created suffering and misery for himself by making my problem about him. When in reality I just wanted to be on my own, not in his company.

So that’s an example of being honest with others. And now for an example of how I had to be honest with myself..

I am very big on self-love and being kind to yourself, with words, thoughts and actions and I try to implement it in my life daily. When my mind wants to focus on negative things about myself I try to be aware of those thoughts and think differently. Yet I found myself in a situation where I was not comfortable in my own body, self-conscious and not very confident as myself. I think this was for various reasons of things I was carrying from the past, unconfident of the way I see myself after having an eating disorder, self-conscious of how other people would see me and I guess that made me uncomfortable in the mind. I was aware of my thoughts and had to be honest with myself and realise that actually I may need to practise some more self-love on my body as I need to practise what I preach. I am still learning to love myself, I think it’s a process over time for me, you, everyone. I do love myself more than previous times in my life but I realised that carrying my insecurities will not help my growth in confidence, I realised that I say I love myself yet find it difficult to express that. I want to be confident in my body and embrace it. So being honest with myself was to practise what I preach, to work on not only loving myself but having confidence in my body and truly realizing it for what it is.

It’s not always easy to be honest with yourself, it takes time to realize things because we don’t always notice things unless people give us a helping hand (by being honest). As I am very big on self-love It was hard for me to think, well actually maybe I need to practise some of this more on myself. I am confident about my mind and my beliefs and learning of the world yet I am perhaps not so confident about other things. That’s ok, in fact it’s great because now I have been honest with myself I can work on it. It’s a success. The only failure would be for me not to become aware and keep being unconfident.

There you go, two examples of being honest with myself & others. Isn’t easy, but so worth it 🙂

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True or false – you decide.

Once we are able to observe our thoughts and simply witness the mind – that’s when we can begin to live the lives we want.

Thoughts come and go,  when we are conscious of them we can challenge them and choose whether they serve us or not.

We have the power to decide – we can believe our thoughts or see them as misconceptions. 

Our thoughts become our beliefs, our beliefs become our actions and our actions become our reality.

You have the choice to take control of your mind or it will control you.

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